All of the sudden everything around me changed. Instead of seeing all of Lucca's goofy equipment, I was in a forest. I figured I had just been transported somewhere, so I started walking. Just then, I was surrounded by some little blue men and they looked pretty angry. I pulled out my sword, but they were on all sides of me. I just closed my eyes and began swirling around in a circle while holding my sword as far away from my body as possible. When I opened my eyes they were all dead. I nodded my head in triumph and began walking. Naturally, I felt flat on my ass. I was a little dizzy. My spinning sword technique would probably be best saved for emergencies. It took me a second to recover.
I got back on my feet and left the forest. Everything I saw looked familiar almost as if it was Guardia in a weird new form. I could see the castle off in the distance, so I figured I would go there. One thing was for sure. If I ever see Lucca again I'm going to beat the snot out of her.
When I got to the castle, the guards started making fun of my hair. I just stood there uncomfortably until Marle showed up, but they were treating her like she was the queen. Whatever. She left and went up to her room and I knew what she wanted, so I followed her up there. "Hi, Crono. I knew you would come for me. I just knew it," she said.
I came for her? I guess it's ok if she thinks that. She should get her ass on that bed and I'll come on her, too. Suddenly, she exploded into nothingness. I slammed her crappy old pendant on the ground. That's the second time she had disappeared on me and I was getting sick of it. There's nothing worse than a tease. I picked the pendant up and started to leave the castle.
Just as I got to the front of the castle, I saw Lucca running towards me. "Hey, Crono," she said. "I just invented time travel with a key!" I ignored her and continued walking out of the castle. One minute ago I had a girl in a bedroom ready and willing and now I'm stuck with Miss Time Travel in a Can. Why can't she invent something useful like cocaine.
"Crono, wait," said Lucca. "That girl you were with earlier is actually Princess Nadia from our time. We're in the year 600 AD and they've mistaken her for the queen from this time. In order to save Nadia, we have to save the queen in this time, because her appearance has caused the search for the real queen to be cancelled."
I looked at Lucca trying to get across the idea that I had no clue what the hell she was talking about. She just smiled and said, "follow me".
We arrived at a cathedral with a bunch of nuns and I noticed a hairpin way in the back. The nuns got pissed off and surrounded us. Right before my eyes, the nuns changed into Naga-ettes and surrounded me and Lucca. I could tell we were going to have to fight, so I pulled out my sword and motioned to Lucca to back away. I went into my super-spin mode intent on making their victory a painful one.
Just then, I felt my sword beginning to heat up. I cracked open my left eye and suddenly everything became all too clear to me. Lucca was fighting on their side! She was trying to melt my sword to keep me from hurting the Naga-ettes. Obviously, this whole thing had been a set-up to eliminate me, so she could have Marle all to herself. Was it any surprise that Marle disappeared just after Lucca met her? I guess I should have taken the competition more seriously. Now, here I was surrounded by Lucca and her 4 girlfriends. They probably had Marle locked up in one of the backrooms ready to do God-knows-what to her. I finally lost my balance and fell to the ground. My sword was still in tact and when I regained my composure I could see that Lucca's evil plot had back-fired. Instead of melting my sword with her fire, she had just made my attack stronger! What a fool! All of her girlfriends were on the ground sliced in half and burnt.
I turned towards Lucca and I was just about to run her through when she said, "wow, that was an awesome attack! I didn't know what you were doing at first, but then I realized I could use my flame thrower to bounce fire off of your movements. We made mincemeat out of those naga-ettes!"
I raised an eyebrow, looked back at the dead naga-ettes, grinned uncomfortably and sheathed my sword. "What's wrong, Crono," said Lucca. I just shook my head and started looking around the cathedral again. Just then, a naga-ette leaped out of the background and slapped Lucca on her backside. Before I could act, a big green frog came out of nowhere and slashed the naga-ette in half.
"Lower thine guard and thou'rt allowing the enemy in," said the Frog. I crossed my arms and Lucca backed away. "Uh, um, i-it's a talking frog," said Lucca. "My guise doth not incur thy trust," said the Frog.
His guise didn't bother me at all, but the way he talked made me want to kick him in the frognuts. "Mayhap a hidden door lurks nigh. Let us search the environs," said the Frog. If he doesn't stop talking like that I'm going to pick him up by his ankles and throw him headfirst into the environs. Frog shot his tongue out and snatched a fly. I guess he was hungry. Lucca got a more serious look on her face and she said, "hey, that's a nice tongue you have there. I bet you can do some amazing things with it."
I didn't have the heart to tell Lucca that this was probably a boy Frog, so I just watched as she moved towards him. "Grrrribbit, stop looking at me that way, grrribbit," said Frog.
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