Chapter Thirteen: Crono Kill Ayla's Boyfriend

We returned to the end of time to talk to the old man about finding some dreamstone and he said that we should go to prehistoric times. Oh, great. We'll just hop into our time machine and go right there. What is it with old people? Doesn't he realize that we're restricted by time gates?

I walked over to Lucca and she was looking all sad and depressed from being left alone with the old man. She looked at me and said, "don't you need my brain power?" I pointed out that we had no way to get to the prehistoric era and she said, "see, you do need me."

I pointed Robo to the corner as I didn't want to have to deal with trying to explain to someone in a prehistoric time about what he is. Also, it's probably more prestigious for a man to have many women in those days. Maybe I could trade Marle in for some dreamstone.

Lucca led us over to the time gates and pointed out that there was one for 65 million BC. Hey, I knew it was there all along. It's just that Lucca's my best friend and I, uh, wanted to make her feel important. I'm a softy at heart.

We hopped into the time gate and we appeared in the middle of the sky. Of course, we began falling. When we landed, we were surrounded by a bunch of lizards.

"They're all green and scaly," said Lucca. "Wh...what are those," said Marle. As if I had a friggin' clue.

The lizards began to attack, but no matter how many we killed more kept coming. It looked hopeless. "We're outnumbered," said Lucca, who continued to state things that I was aware of.

"What should we do, Crono," said Marle, who continued to ask me one goddamned stupid question after another. Just when I was about to join the lizards and kill Lucca and Marle, the most amazing thing happened.

A gorgeous, half-naked blond came running up and started beating the crap out of the lizards. I just stood there in awe. "Goodness," said Marle. "She is tough!" "Who IS that woman," said Lucca. It's a good thing I was staring intently at the blond in the bikini or I might have pointed out that Marle and Lucca had switched roles.

"Uh oh....they're coming our way," said Marle as a few of the lizards moved to attack. I waited for Lucca to say something like, "will we be able to kill them, Crono," fulfilling the stupid question role as Marle had just stated the obvious again, but she kept quiet. I have a feeling she was still thinking about the blond.

We killed the lizards and the hottie came back. She was huffing and puffing and turning me on.

"Wh...what do you want," said Marle. If she says that she wants ME I'll never leave this time period again. Just then, she ran forward and pressed me up against the wall. I was in heaven. Please don't wake up, Crono. Please, please don't wake up.

"Ack," said Marle. "Crono!" Marle was obviously jealous, but if she was interested in joining in, I would not object.

The blond hottie backed off and said, "you strong. What name?......Crono, huh? Good name. Me? Me Ayla. Ayla like strong people. So Ayla like Crono!"

Ccccccccrono, like Ayla, too. Crono very much like Ayla. Cccccrono...........oh man. Crono no like Lucca and Marle. Crono HATE Lucca and Marle. Crono is single. Ayla single? Crono kill Ayla's boyfriend.

"Get away from her, Crono," yelled Marle in a jealous rage.

"I think she likes you, Crono," said Lucca in a jealous rage.

"You strong, too," said Ayla. "Ayla respect strong people. Men and women." "Oh, brother," said Marle as she giggled. "Where have they been keeping her," said Lucca.

Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend. Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend. Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend. Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend.

"Crono, where from," asked Ayla.

"Uh, how can we explain," said Marle.

Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend.

"We're from way after the day after tomorrow," said Lucca.

Crono KILL Ayla's boyfriend.

"Ha, ha, you funny," said Ayla. "Ayla like funny people." As she laughed, she bounced and that's the only thing I remember. "It's no use," said Lucca.

Ayla invited us to her village for a party and Lucca pointed out our need for dreamstone. Ayla promised that we would find it if we looked, but she wanted us to come party with her first. I can't believe it. She barely wears any clothing and she wants me to come party with her. CRONO KILL AYLA'S BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayla began to run towards her village, but she ran on all fours with her ass in the air, flaunting her perfect body. I couldn't imagine running like that. I was too used to walking erect. With her around it was impossible not to be erect. She would dart a glance at me from time to time and I wasn't about to let her get away. Marle and Lucca got left in the dust.

I got to the village and after looking around, I found her all alone in the chief's hut. Now was my chance to-

"Geez, Crono," said Marle as her and Lucca caught up with me. "Slow down!" MARLE! LUCCA! HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!!!!!! Marle just smiled at me and then looked at Ayla. I decided to look at Ayla as well.

"Good, Crono come," said Ayla. You read my mind, Ayla. "Night soon," said Ayla, "and ready for party! Come Crono!" Now she was taunting me. We waited around all night and then the party began. Crono come.

"Listen all," said Ayla, who seemed to be the chief of the village, "new friends here! Strong man. Crono! Friends of Crono. Marle, Lucca!" The villagers seemed happy. "Now we dance," yelled Ayla.

Some guy had been darting mean glances at me all day long. His name was Kino. I had a feeling this was the person I needed to kill. I could poison his soup or just beat him over the head for an hour, but one way or another, he had to die.

"Crono! Eat! Sing! Dance," said Ayla.

"C'mon, Crono, let's party," said Marle. I heard a loud burp from behind me as Lucca was showing off her womanly side. I noticed that Marle was whispering to Ayla. I got scared for a moment. I wasn't worried about Marle getting the snot beaten out of her as much as I was worried about Ayla respecting Marle's potential wishes to keep me all to herself. Unfortunately, whatever they were discussing, they were agreeing with one another.

Marle came over to me and she wanted me to dance with her. She started hopping up and down, clapping her hands, slapping her ass and giggling. I danced with her for a moment, then I got away from her and tried to move in on Ayla, but Lucca pulled me aside and made me eat something called poi. It tasted more like pee.

I finally got away from the evil witches who were trying to stand between me and my beauty and I got Ayla's attention. I wanted to discuss the two of us going out into the forest together, but she just kept talking about fighting the Reptites and how their leader Azala was really smart. She said that there was another village of humans, but they were all about hiding from the Reptites.

"Azala want to destroy Ioka AND Laruba," said Ayla. That's great Ayla, but about that forest idea I had. "Ayla no lose," she said. "Only when Ayla dead, give up!" I would NEVER let that happen to Ayla. I'll take on THE WHOLE ARMY OF REPTITES IF I HAVE TO!!!!!

She started talking about the dreamstone we were looking for and how it was a sign of power. "Ayla strongest in village," she said, "so Ayla's rock! You want, you challenge Ayla!" I tackled her and I was sitting on her stomach looking into her eyes when she said, "bring plenty soup!" She winked at me and threw me off.

I wanted to show her my power, but according to her village's rules we had to have a soup race. I drank the soup like a madman! "Burp, enough Crono," said Ayla. "You win, I give you rock."

You lose, I give you Mr. Happy. She was so cute with soup dribbling down her chin. My mind was racing faster then my mouth did in the soup race.

The next morning we woke up in the town square. "Phew," said Lucca. Lucca had gotten a little drunk on soup and she made the rounds with the villagers.

"What? Liar," said Lucca. "I was a perfect lady last night! But why does my tummy hurt so...?"

"Morning Crono," said Marle. "Wasn't that fun last night?!" If Marle only knew what happened in Ayla's tent after she fell asleep, heh, heh, heh. Actually, I wish I had gotten to see what happened in Ayla's tent last night, too. I'll just bide my time.

"The gate key's been taken," said Lucca. "Without it we're stuck here forever!" Stuck here forever? With Ayla? My plan was working perfectly.