My annoying mom just gave me my allowance. She makes a good living lying on her back, but I guess not everybody can have a respectable mom. King Guardia comes by once a week, so at least she's a special kinda girl in that she's worthy of royalty.
I kicked my cat across the room and left to go to the fair. That neighbor of mine has a show to put on and I promised her I'd come and watch. I asked her out once and got an uncomfortable response of "no". Later on I realized why. I mean, seriously, not too many straight girls like tools do they? I felt pretty dumb for not catching on earlier as we've been friends as far back as I can remember, but hey, everybody makes mistakes.
When I got to the fair I was in awe for a moment just before this jerk in a green lizard suit ran into me and knocked me on my ass. He just kept running and then a cat clawed its' way across my face. As if that wasn't enough a guy in a suit of armor stepped on my balls and kept right on running as if nothing had happened.
I got up and dusted myself off and moved further into the fairgrounds. Just when I got close to Leene's Bell I saw this major hottie looking around like she was from out of town. I stared at her for about 10 minutes and then I finally just went for it. I got a running start and knocked her on her ass. Hey, it's better than a lame pick-up line. I was just about to apologize when I noticed that she had dropped a nice piece of jewelery. Instead of checking on her, I ran over to pick it up and then got out of the area as quickly as possible.
After looking at it, I realized it wasn't worth much and figured I could act like I found it and win her over that way. Before I went back to see her, I ate this moron's lunch who had just left in on the table out in the open. It was pretty gross. Some little brat kept whining about her lost cat, so I kicked her in the shins and moved on. I gave the girl back her pendant and she acted really happy. I asked her what her name was and she said, "what do you want it to be?" I couldn't believe it, but not only was she hot, but she was sleazy. Maybe she works at Norstein Bekkler's Tent of Whores. I gave her the name Marle and we began to walk around the fair.
We fought this weird singing robot and I drank a bunch of soda. I got really good at this game where you hump this thing in order to ring a bell. Marle was pretty impressed with my manhood. At one point we met this old guy named Melchior and he tried to buy that pendant I stole from Marle earlier. I felt pretty stupid for giving it back to her. She refused to sell it and we moved on.
We finally left to go see Lucca's little show, but on the way there she wanted to buy some candy to make her ass even bigger, so we stopped. She was taking so long that I finally grabbed her arm and tried to make her leave. She just stuck her tongue out at me and called me a crazed kidnapper. We finally finished up and went to the back of the fair where Lucca was at.
Lucca saw me with Marle and her eyes opened wide. "How'd you get a cutie like her," said Lucca. I could tell that Lucca was getting excited, because she was playing with her screw driver and licking her lips as she looked Marle up and down. I was pretty sure Marle wasn't into the alternative lifestyle thing like Lucca, so the potential competition didn't phase me. Lucca tried to get me to climb onto her machine, but I just shook my head and shoved Marle forward. Marle giggled and climbed aboard. Lucca threw the switch and Marle disappeared. All that was left was her pendant.
I thought the experiment had been a complete success, but Lucca and her dad were acting like something had gone wrong. Not wanting to make the day a total loss, I climbed onto the machine and grabbed the pendant Marle had dropped. I figured I could still sell it to the old man back at the fair for a decent profit. Just when I was about to climb back off, Lucca threw the switch. The last thing I heard her say was, "don't worry, I'll follow you when I know what went wrong."
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