Across the bridge we came to a town named Dorino. The people there seemed a little slow. It's no surprise to me that this town doesn't exist in my time. They pointed me south to a town called Porre where a Legendary Hero was supposed to live.
Robo said that one of his arms was falling off and that he needed to fix it, so I sent him back to the end of time and brought Lucca back. She still looked a little mad at me for getting rid of her when she was trying to lecture me, but since she's not my girlfriend, I don't have to care. Grow some tits, dyke.
We made our way to Porre, but the Legendary Hero had already gone to look for the Legendary Sword up in the Legendary Mountains with the Legendary Cave, home of a Legendary Hamster.
I guess we should find this hero guy. The people in Porre all seemed really nice. Maybe when this is all over I can leave home to live with their ancestors in my time. These are definitely friendly people.
Just for kicks, we went to a forest near Porre and found a house built into the ground behind some bushes. "Who's there," said a voice out of nowhere. Our old friend Frognuts fell out of the sky. Lucca started hopping up and down.
"'Tis thee, Crono," said Frog. "Thou art here to practice thy skill in swordplay."
Geez, there he was talking like a goofball again. Hardly anyone else in this time talks like that. Why does he do it? I walked over towards him and his throat was shaking like crazy. I think he had just noticed Lucca and he was getting scared.
Lucca stepped forward, but before she could say anything I shoved her across the room and gave her a dirty look. She knew better than to annoy me right now.
"What?! The King hast been injured," said Frog. I hadn't said anything to him and as far as the King, I hadn't heard anything. I guess he can just sense things since he's a Frog.
"'Tis nary a think I canst do..... Please be on thy way," said Frog. I just looked at him and then at Marle and Lucca. "The hero I am not. I can do naught," he said. He seemed a little sad, so I chose not to ask him what the hell he actually was. The last time we met, so many weird things were happening to me that a talking frog was just another thing. Now, it sorta stands out in my mind. Lucca calmed down and we decided to leave him alone for the moment.
We left and made our way to the northern mountains to find this hero named Tata we had heard about. Just as soon as we got there a little boy came running out of the mountains.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," he screamed as a monster was hot on his tail. We made short work of the monster and the little boy came up to us. "Th, this is a terrible place," he said. "Y, you'd best run away while you can!"
Obviously, the little turd hadn't noticed us dispatching the monster that was chasing him. Another monster came along and his defense was tremendous. Luckily, his big hammer was made of wood and Lucca just set it on fire.
As long as Lucca was with me I wouldn't have any trouble around here. I'll just try to make sure she doesn't figure that out or else her attitude might come back. I tried to ask the little kid where the Legendary Hero was at, but when I turned around he was already gone.
We made our way through the mountains and the forested areas and we came to this place with a really beautiful waterfall. We stood there to admire it for a second and then this jerk from the other side of the waterfall started throwing rocks at us. What an ass. We hurried along to get away from him.
When we got to the top of the waterfall I convinced Lucca and Marle to look over the edge to see how far up we were. I couldn't resist and I just pushed them both off of the waterfall. They both shrieked and fell onto a cliff with a conspicuously placed treasure chest. I laughed so hard that I fell down and the water washed me off of the edge and onto the cliff with them.
Lucca looked angry, but Marle just giggled like she always does. They picked me up and hurled me off of the cliff before I had a chance to defend myself.
With no other options, they jumped down to where I had landed. "Damnit, Crono," said Lucca. "Stop screwing around!"
We made our way back up to the top of the waterfall and although I wanted to, I didn't toss either of them off again. Eventually, we reached a strange cave in the side of the mountain and inside I found this kid talking about his wind or something and a sword far in the background.
I tried to take the sword and the kid got mad. He asked me if I was here for the Masamune.
Actually, I was looking for the Legendary Hero, but what the hell. I said yes and the little brat called his brother out.
"What is it, Mune," said his brother. "Not again! So! You want to get a name for yourself by grabbing the Masamune? What a buffoon!"
Actually, I didn't even know what the Masamune was until a minute ago, but he was peaking my interest in its importance. The two little brats just kept insulting humans over and over again with me being the primary target, but I kept my peace and let them have their moment of joy.
Then they said something about testing us and they changed into a couple of shaved down hamsters. I was really freaked out at this point.
We ganged up on Masa and once we took him out they stopped fighting.
"Hey, they're pretty tough," said Mune. "Only Cyrus made it this far," said Masa. "This time it's for real!" Both of the shaved hamsters jumped back and looked at each other, continuing their run of freaking me out.
"With Masa's bravery and............Mune's knowledge! Two become one!!" They rammed into each other and started to glow. Then they turned into one gigantic shaved down hamster. I have a feeling that whoever Cyrus was, he got eaten.
No comments:
Post a Comment