When we got back to the surface, the raunchy, nasty people surrounded us to see if we had any food, so I just pushed my way through them. Doan gave me some sort of bike key to use. Before moving on to Proto Dome, we took a side trip to an area of sewers that some monsters were supposedly ruling and giving the locals headaches from.
We ran into a few weird fishmen and some talking frogs, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Every time I made even the slightest noise the fishmen would come out in full force. A cat meowed and the fishmen attacked. I tripped over a soda can and they attacked.
At one point I found a piece of cheese on the ground. I'm not sure why, but I had an uncontrollable urge to piss on the cheese. I had to go to the bathroom anyway, so I just whipped it out and sprayed all over the cheese.
Marle found my nudity uncomfortable, but it seemed to have no effect on Lucca whatsoever. One of the local rats got angry and the noise he made alerted some more fishmen. We killed them and continued walking through the sewers.
Eventually, I came to this big caterpillar-like thing named Krawlie who was bragging to his friends about beating us up. We made short work of him, well, I made short work of him. Marle might have healed me once or twice.
The first thing I noticed when we came out of the sewers was this huge mountain. Curiosity got the best of us and we started climbing up it. A few steps into it and a strong wind picked us up and hurled us down off the mountain.
I was a little disoriented when I landed as I had spun around a few times. I could see Lucca and she was getting to her feet, but I couldn't see Marle, although I could hear a few muffled pleas for help. I looked all around, but she was nowhere to be found. Lucca came over to me and said,
"Crono are you going to stop sitting on Marle's face anytime soon?" I looked down and sure enough there was Marle all red in the face. I felt terrible about having been sitting on her face, but I chose to hide my feelings of regret by laughing hysterically and tapping her on the forehead. Lucca knocked me over and Marle gasped for air.
Beyond the mountain was another dome where this strange old man and his blue blob of a girlfriend were living. He mumbled something about his masterpieces and somebody named Schala. We felt it was best to leave him alone and return to the sewers.
After making our way back across the sewers, we came to some more ruins where a strange device was sitting there almost like it was waiting for us. Naturally, I had just been given a key, so I tried it out.
Oddly enough, the key worked, but before I could take off some robot goons surrounded us and started spouting about "the man". Obviously, these were ghetto robots, but when I looked behind me I saw this fruity looking guy in purple spandex.
"Like, thanks for the intro," said Johnny, who must be "the man" they were talking about. He challenged me to a race and I agreed. The race started, but every time I got in front of him, he would start ramming my ass over and over. Whenever he would get in front of me, my vehicle would start ramming him in the ass over and over. What's the point of racing when the two cars are magnetically attracted to each other. I just sat behind him the whole way ramming him in the ass and then just before the finish line I swerved to the left and used one of my boosters. It was an easy win.
I climbed out of the bike on the other edge of the ruins and I realized that I would have to go back and get Marle and Lucca before moving on. I was tempted to leave them behind since I had the gate key, but I wasn't sure how to use it exactly just yet. I turned to get back in the jet bike and I realized that they were standing right behind me. I could have sworn I rode in the bike all alone. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't try to answer questions that can't be answered. They were here and that's all that mattered.
At last, we reached Proto Dome where the gate was supposed to be. We killed a few crazy robots and made our way to the back. I was just about to bust up an old broken down robot when Lucca grabbed my arm and stopped me.
"I can fix it," said Lucca.
"Won't it attack us," said Marle.
"I'll make sure it won't," said Lucca, "Machines aren't capable of evil." They sure fooled me.
"Humans make them that way," said Lucca.
Marle looked at Lucca and said, "you pity them don't you." I'll tell you who I pity. Me for having to spend all day long with Skanka the robot-lover and Skankle the ditz princess. Lucca wasn't too bad, but a hatred for Marle was growing and growing in my belly. Before we head back to our time I might pull Lucca aside and talk her into leaving Marle behind.
Lucca proceeded to fix the robot as well as reprogramming it to make sure it wouldn't attack us. It's amazing how someone from the year 1000 is capable of fixing and manipulating technology from 1300 years in the future.
Once again, I'm the silent type and I don't ask questions. Lucca turned the robot on and it started jumping around.
"Good morning," said Marle.
"Mo.....good morning, mistress," said the robot. "What is your command?"
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Marle is the robot's mistress,
AAAAHAHAHAHAHA. Wow! She gets around, doesn't she. Where was I at? I can only assume she's been here before. She must have another gate key.
"I'm not your mistress. I'm Marle," said Marle. She was obviously embarrassed that the robot had recognized her. I was praying that he would mount her right away. Friggin' robot whore.
"This is Crono," said Marle, "and Lucca here, fixed you!" The girls convinced him just to call us by our names without any formal titles and we named him Robo.
Lucca asked him where all the people were at and he seemed confused. It was obvious that he had been sitting around doing nothing for awhile.........other than Marle, his mistress. The power was off, so we couldn't open the door to where the gate was at. Together, me and Lucca used my sword and her flame thrower to destroy the huge, hard metal dragon tank, but the only way to get through this door was by going all the way up north to a factory and getting the power turned on. I don't understand their thinking. We could be through that thing in 5 seconds, tops. I knew it wasn't worth it to argue, so I agreed.
Robo said that one of us would have to stay behind and I was about to volunteer when Lucca said, "then Marle or I will stay." They made me choose which one and after a little bit of thought I decided to leave Lucca behind. The chance to get away from Marle was certainly not something to turn down, but the job of the person who remains behind is to open a door and this task is far too complicated for Marle.
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