Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Chapter Twelve: A Broken Sword and a Senile Old Man

We were fighting the Masamune and he, or they, seemed intent on killing us. I guess they don't like humans. Naturally, Lucca's usefulness was minimal without enemies carrying wooden hammers to set on fire. Marle could at least slap her ass at the enemy from time to time.

It might not be helpful in the battle, but it always made me smile. I mustered up all of my energy and swung my sword at the Masamune sending a wave of wind at him and he finally fell.

Marle ran over, jumped into my arms and kissed me on the nose. Well, I won't say that I don't still hate her, but every once in awhile I stop hating her for a moment. She can be cute, but like I said before, no amount of cuteness can erase the need for high maintenance. I gently set her down, for once not taking advantage of an opportunity to drop her on her face.

"They beat us big brother," said Mune. "That was fun," said Masa. Hey, almost dying is a lot of fun for me, too. Then they started talking about us fixing them and finding them an owner. Geez, did I say Marle was high maintenance?

After all the climbing and dodging rocks from weird-ohs we didn't find the Legendary Hero and although we did find the Legendary Sword, it was broken and it expected us to fix it...........so that we could give it to someone else. I say we just leave the damn thing here.

"So this is the Masamune," said Lucca. "It looks like it's been broken for ages." We turned to leave, but Masa sucked us up and threw us out the top of the mountain. Instead of falling to our deaths we just landed comfortably.

We decided to go back to the house where the Legendary Hero was supposed to live to see if he had come home. When we walked into Tata's house it didn't look like he was home, but then I noticed that little turd from the mountains. I discovered that HE was actually Tata.

"I...I'm sorry everyone," said Tata. "Some frog guy dropped this in a cafe. I thought I'd sell it, but then everyone started calling me a Hero. I couldn't bear to get rid of it!" Oh my god.......everyone on this entire continent thought that this little brat was some sort of legendary hero? Geez, if I hadn't shown up there's no doubt Magus would have conquered Guardia.

Wait a minute......did he say that a frog guy dropped it? I find it hard to believe that this frog guy doesn't have something to do with Frog. That is, the frog that I call Frog........from the forest. There's no way it's just a coincidence.

There must be more than one talking frogs out there. Perhaps the frog Tata got the hero medal from was one of Magus's cronies, who had just killed the real Legendary Hero and the frog that I call Frog has defected from Magus's army.

Magus plans to take over the world with his army of talking frogs! I'm sure of it! Our only chance is to go see Frog and get his help to invade Magus's hideout. For the moment I would have to treat Magus like an enemy until I could convince him of my good intentions. I just hope Frog doesn't have any second thoughts once he has to start fighting his own kind, because........

"I just can't fake it any longer," said Tata. "I'm no Hero...! I'm so ashamed! Here. Please take this!"

.....once we start killing frog after frog he might regret leaving Magus. The sounds of dying frogs could make Frog have second thoughts and if that happens I'll just have to make Frog part of the frog massacre. I'm on to you, Magus.

"Scoundrel," said Tata's father the oatmeal king. "I knew this was all a sham!" Tata had handed me the Hero Medal and I had just noticed it. Perhaps this was all fate. Perhaps I was the new Legendary Hero. If so, I couldn't befriend Magus like I wanted to. Damn.

Our next step is to go see Frog and beat some information out of him. I need to know just how many frogs are in Magus's army and how to get to his hideout. In order for our plan to work everything needed to be just right.

We returned to Frog's home and found him staring at the wall, sadly.

"Thee hath returned," said Frog. "Th, the Hero Medal! Aye... Then thou hast seen the lad. Yet there's nary a thing I canst do against Magus. The legendary Masamune is required to fight Magus." Suddenly I found myself confused. He talked as if he hated Magus, but he was depressed and had little desire to go after him.

Perhaps he didn't defect from Magus's troops. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that he got kicked out of the troops for some reason! Surely, if he had defected by choice he wouldn't be sitting around acting depressed. I'm on to you, Frog. I'd bet the only way he could redeem himself with Magus is to, oh, I don't know, kill the Legendary Hero and bring Magus his head. Now that I'm the Legendary Hero, I'd have to watch my back around Frog.

".....and I've no right to wield it. Please leave now." Frog wanted us to leave and he walked over to the other side of his house and started staring at the wall. As if I was stupid enough to fall for his bad acting. Something shined from one of his drawers and I opened it.

"A broken sword," said Lucca. "It's part of the Masamune! It's engraved with archaic letters. I think I can read it. Um...mm.....M...e...l...c...h...i...o...r!"

Marle jumped up and down and said, "Melchior? That guy in Medina Village? What does this mean, Crono?" It means Melchior is a pretty common name. If it said Robert on it, would you automatically assume it was one of the Roberts you know? Friggin' ditz.

Frog acted as if nothing was going on, which proved my theories to be correct. If we were to steal half of the Legendary Masamune from your house would you let us leave and not try to stop us? He's just feigning all of this to earn my trust. Without a doubt, he's still working for Magus. When I leave his house, I'll have to be on guard every second.

Frog made no attempt to follow us as we left. I watched carefully on all sides. Any second now an army of talking frogs could ambush us. Lucca wacked me on the head with her gun and said, "what the hell is wrong with you?!!! You've been acting paranoid ever since we left Tata's house."

Poor Lucca. She was oblivious to the truth. I snapped my fingers and Robo replaced her.
Marle insisted that we go see Melchior in Medina Village and since I wanted to get out of this time period as fast as I could, I agreed. I was in no mood to let Frog and his fellow frogs have a meal of human's legs tonight. We hurried back to the end of time and made our way to Medina Village in 1,000 AD.

When we got to Melchior's house he smiled and said, "you're back again? Come to see my collection?" I showed him the broken Masamune and he nearly had a heart attack. Marle began clapping her hands over her head furiously like a crazed maniac and she said, "why would YOUR name be on that sword?"

"It's a long story," said Melchior. "You do want to hear this story, right?" As if we had any choice in the matter you stupid old fart.

"Yes," screamed Marle. "Tell us about the Masamune! Can you fix it somehow?" She was really overdramatic.

"Hmmmmmmmm," said Melchior. "It might be possible if we could get our hands on some Dreamstone, which the sword is made of."

"Dreamstone," said Robo, "No data in my memory banks of such a rock." Stupid robot. Obviously that's not its scientific name. Sheesh. Let's see now. Here on the periodic table we have Carbon, Oxygen, Mercury, Plutonium, Dreamstone....

"You can't find it anymore," said Melchior. "It was a red stone that was once used as money. Unfortunately, it hasn't been available for a very long time." Melchior stopped talking and showed us to the door. What the hell happened to the long story? I hate old people.

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