Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Chapter Three: Slurp Addicts

Frog managed to get Lucca's mind off of his tongue and we started to search for the hidden entrance he mentioned before. I saw an organ and figured, what the hell, so I sat down to play. Naturally, a hidden door opened.

We entered the hidden door and found a huge back half to the cathedral filled with monsters. In one partially hidden room there was a statue of this big freaky guy with a scythe. I'm not exactly sure why, but these weird monster people were so suspicious that they had traps and secret switches all over the place. As if the organ thing wasn't enough. How could anyone live in a place like this?

We finally reached the back end of the cathedral and we found the chancellor talking to the queen. I was glad to see that someone else in the kingdom was smart enough to figure out where the queen was being held. I just wish he had brought more soldiers.

Frog and Lucca didn't seem as trusting as I was and they had their weapons ready to go. The queen backed away and they moved towards the chancellor. Not wanting to let on that I was confused, I drew my sword and moved towards the chancellor just like they were doing. Right before my eyes he changed into this big evil blob thing and I figured out what was going on. Actually, I still didn't know what was going on. One thing was for sure. This Yakra guy was going to try to kill us.

I ran at him with my sword, but just as I reached attack range I realized Frog was doing the same thing. We almost ran into each other and somehow we both managed to do some damage to Yakra. He also seemed really confused, so I gave Frog a thumbs up. Lucca was busy firing her gun at him and doing almost no damage at all. Girls have no place on a battlefield except for healing purposes.

Yakra shot a bunch of spines at us and it knocked me back a few feet. Just as I was about to use a tonic, Frog shot his tongue out and slurped me from head to toe. One half of me wanted to scream, "what the hell are you doing, you sick twisted frog!" The other half of me realized that he had fixed the damage from the spine attack. Lucca went into a jealous rage and began shooting herself with her gun. She limped over to Frog and said, "slurp me too!" Frog's mouth dropped open and he just stared at her in amazement. I looked at Yakra and he shrugged his shoulders.

Frog backed away from Lucca at first, but then he conceded and gave her a slurp. She seemed to be in ecstacy and even though she was fully healed she pointed her gun at Frog and said, "do it again!" Frog was getting a little annoyed, but he also realized that his life was in danger. He ran over and hid behind Yakra. "GET YOUR FROG-BUTT OVER HERE AND SLURP ME AGAIN," said Lucca as she began chasing Frog all over the room. Lucca was firing her gun at Frog over and over. Yakra was so intrigued that we halted the battle for the moment.

"Grrrrribbit, this is most exasperating," said Frog. Yakra started laughing and I suddenly came to my senses. I moved in cautiously and shoved my sword right up into his adam's apple. He collapsed in a heap of gooey monster and the battle was won.

I walked over to Queen Leene and she said, "thank you so much, kind sir, but where did Frog and your other friend go?"

I found the real chancellor locked in a treasure chest and we returned to Guardia Castle. The king thanked me and the chancellor said something about a criminal justice system. I didn't care as it had little to do with me now that I had saved Queen Leene.

Frog came into the throne room huffing and pufffing and said, "Twas a fault of mine that endangered the queen. I shall depart this realm for good." Frog hopped out of the room as fast as he could.

Lucca came into the throne room and threw her gun to the ground. "Man, that Frog is a quick one. I've been chasing him all over this castle," she said. "Well, I guess I'll let him be for now. Crono, where did you last see Marle?"

We went back up to the queen's room and found Marle confused and unhappy. I was still ticked off at her for inviting me up to her bedroom and then disappearing, so I let Lucca do the talking. Lucca explained everything that had happened and Marle seemed to understand, although she wasn't happy that we had figured out she was Princess Nadia.

We started to leave the castle and there was Frog waiting for us. Lucca started twitching and she raised her gun. I knocked the gun out of her hands with my sword and then shoved her on her ass.

"Thou hast potential to be a great swordsman, Crono," said Frog. I was already pissed at Frog for talking like a weird-oh, but now he was mistaking my actual greatness as a swordsman for potential? Maybe I should have let Lucca go after him again.

Frog left the castle and once Lucca regained her composure, we went back to the forest where this whole mess had started. We stepped into the gate and we were right back at the fair where Lucca's equipment was set up.

Lucca was so depressed now that Frog and his tongue were gone that she didn't want to join me in escorting Marle back to the castle. Marle was grinning from ear to ear the whole time we walked through Guardia Forest.

Instead of going straight back to the castle, she pulled me off into a side path of the forest and threw me to the ground. She dove on top of me and things started to get hot and heavy. She took her clothes off and then pulled all of mine off. Suddenly, the feverish look on her face changed into a disappointed frown. I looked down at what had caught her attention and I realized that even though 99 percent of my body was excited, the 1 percent that mattered was out cold. I was pretty embarrassed and didn't know what to say.

"I didn't think this happened to young guys," said Marle. My entire life was flashing before my eyes and I was just about to curse God for doing this to me, when a shiny object caught my eye that was sitting over on my left. I picked it up and swallowed it.

Marle was a little embarrassed as well and she had been looking off into the distance when something poked her in the side of the face. "Hey, watch what you're doing with that sword of yours," she said. "That thing's pretty sharp!" Marle turned back to see that my sword was off to the side with the rest of my clothes and her eyes opened wide in astonishment. She smiled, moved back over next to me and all was right with the world.

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