"This must be the Ocean Palace," said Marle.
Yep, that seems to be the case as we transported from the highest point up in the sky down to the ocean. I don't know what we'll find down here, but I have a feeling it will try to kill us.
At the first doorway we found everybody's favorite shaven hamster, Mune.
"The black energy grows," said Mune. "Something scary is waking up!"
I looked over at Marle accusingly, but she didn't seem to understand. Before I could get rid of her I felt the Ocean Palace shake. Obviously, she wasn't the culprit. Just to be safe, I sent her away and brought in Lucca.
"Grrribbit, I see you've brought back the friendly one, Crono," said Frog.
When I looked back, Mune had already disappeared.
This place is like a maze. There were switches and monsters everywhere. On the way down one set of stairs there was this weird group of guys that were jumping up and down. I just head butted them all and knocked them down the steps. They were pretty mad when I found them at the bottom of the steps. Hey, that's what you get for playing around where I'm supposed to be walking.
We came to one of the other shaven hamsters on a particular set of steps.
"The ancient Red Rock has been passed down through the ages. From it, a magic pendant and a knife were made," said Masa. "We embody Melchior's dreams, sealed, within the knife. Now hurry, if you plan to confront the Queen. We're counting on you!"
He hopped into the air and disappeared. Wait a minute. So, there are two Masamunes? One's a knife and the other's a sword? Why does everything have to be so confusing? At least we have both of them, although Frog's Masamune is pretty crappy. He stopped using it awhile ago.
We finally came to an elevator. It's a good thing, too. I was so tired of walking. It seems like all I've done since I first met Marle at the Millennial Fair is walk, walk, walk. My happiness was short lived as the elevator ride turned out to be a huge enemy orgy.
At the bottom I was breathing quite heavily. Lucca patted me on the back and Frog gave me a slurp. Lucca smiled and kept herself under control. Even though she wasn't hurt, Frog gave her a slurp anyway. Every member of my group seemed to be getting along and friendships had grown quite strong. Except for me. I just wanted to get the hell away from these people. When will I finally reach my goal?
Outside the elevator was a bunch of lava and some switches to press. It made me start to think that we were not only under the ocean, but under the ocean floor as well. After pressing enough switches I managed to release a platform across the lava.
Once again, we came face to face with Dalton.
"You made it this far," he said. "Maybe I underestimated you."
Maybe we overestimated you. Did you ever think of that?
"But this is the end," said Dalton. "They will take care of you! Come Golem Twins!"
What? Two of the guy that just beat the crap out of us not so long ago? There's no need to even try. I'll just let them kill Frog and Lucca and then I'll slip past when they aren't looking.
The Golems moved to attack and Lucca started throwing bombs at them. Frog kept healing us and as I swung my sword furiously at the Golems they seemed a bit confused. I can see why everyone has so much faith in me. I'm pretty good. We were attacking so fast that they never had a chance to get in a shot. Amazingly, we managed a victory to the unhappiness of Dalton.
He was so surprised that he called in the Golem Boss. It sounded a little bit scarier than the Twins.
"What's this strange force," said Dalton as a bright red light enveloped the room. "Could this be...Lavos's energy?"
Either that or Lucca casting fire magic. It didn't bother you a couple seconds ago, but now when everything gets red it has to be Lavos?
"All my work will be in vain if I expire before I'm immortal," said Dalton as he transported away in fear again.
We continued onward and ran into another one of those stupid Nu things.
"This is the hall of the Mammon Machine," it said. "Now is the time to turn back, nu..."
Did he just call me a Nu?
"We shan't allow thee to meddle with Lavos, Queen," said Frog.
I would have preferred to keep silent and get a handle on the situation first, but I guess Frog thought we should announce our presence in order to speed up the dying process.
"We just made it in time," said Lucca. "It's a pity, but I'll have to turn this machine off."
In time to die. I nearly pissed in my pants, but nobody seemed to notice. It was a pretty dramatic moment.
Damn. Queen Milf and Schala are a pair of major hotties. I wish I was Lavos. I'll consume you both at the same time. The Mammon Machine sparked and the power began to envelope Schala. She was in obvious pain.
"Help," said Schala.
That's all she ever wants. I help her and in return I get to, what, stare at her?...........Fair trade.
"Schala," said the Prophet, who was showing a strange amount of caring all of the sudden.
"What are you doing, Schala," said Queen Milf. "I need your help here!"
"Crono, use the old man's knife to stop the machine," said Frog.
"Quickly, Crono. There's no time," said Lucca.
Why the hell do I always have to do EVERYTHING!!!!!!
I pulled out the knife and after everything that had happened to me, I wasn't surprised to find that it was a talking knife.
"Here we go, Mune," said the talking knife.
"Ready big brother," said the talking knife, who also had split personalities.
It flew forward and jammed into the Mammon Machine.
"T, 'tis the Masamune," said Frog in surprise as the ruby knife used the power of the Mammon Machine to change into a sword.
Oh, now I get it. There's only one Masamune, but it's just been changed. That makes a little more sense.
"Th, the Mammon Machine," said the Queen in disgust.
"It's coming," said the Prophet.
"N, no stop," yelled Schala. "That sword alone can't stop it!"
If the sword alone can't stop it then shouldn't you tell us to go, instead of stop? This is one crazy, mixed up broad. She needs a man in her life besides Lavos. And I know just the man for the j-
I heard a screeching growl and there I was face to face with Lavos. All I need is a good jolt and I can lift my curse. I just need to get close enough to Lavos. Before I could even move, me, Frog and Lucca were sprayed with a painful death ray and knocked on our asses. Somehow I don't think this is the technique I was told about. I feel more dead than free from any curse.
Lucca and Frog didn't look too happy, either and oddly enough, the death ray was localized to the three of us. Schala, Queen Milf and the Prophet were in perfect health.
"I've waited for this," said the Prophet.
He removed his cloak and to my amazement, in spite of barely being able to move, the Prophet was none other than Magus himself. The little pansy we beat up the last time we met Lavos.
"I've been waiting for you, Lavos," he said. "I swore long ago that I'd destroy you! No matter what the price! It's time to fulfill that vow. Feel my wrath, Lavos!"
I watched in anticipation. Surely he was going to cast some powerful magic even greater than the gigantic dark spells he used on us in our battle.
"What do you think you can do," said the Queen in disrespect. "Hmph! A false prophet... You'll be a snack for the great Lavos!"
"Mother, please stop," said Schala as she stepped on my face. "This power can only end in ruin!"
Please get off of my face.
"Get away from there, Schala," said the Queen. "The almighty force of Lavos lives in all of us... You are a part of it! You cannot change fate now! Oppose me and I will destroy you also!"
If you can get Schala's heel out of my nose, I'm on your side, Queenie. She zapped Schala backwards and instead of standing on my face she was now sitting on my face. I could definitely use a slurp if you could, Frog. In other circumstances, this position would be thrilling, though.
"Come prophet, feel the power of Lavos," said the Queen as she hopped onto Lavos's....oh, my god. That's disgusting.
"Ungh," said Magus as he felt the wrath of Lavos. "Aaaah!! My powers are being drained! Ungh... I won't be beaten! I survived the darkness to defeat you, Lavos! Take this, Lavos!"
OK! Here it comes! The all-powerful, deadly dark magic of Magus. We might manage to pull this one out after all!
I watched in complete depression as Magus just hit Lavos in the face with a stick. What the hell? Am I the only one in the whole world with any competence at all?
"Wh, what? It doesn't work," said Magus.
OF COURSE NOT! YOU CAN'T BEAT THE ALL-POWERFUL IMMORTAL WHO IS CONSUMING THE PLANET BY HITTING HIM WITH A STICK! I GIVE UP! YOU PEOPLE ARE CLUELESS!
"Foolish one," said the Queen. "Your measly power can't touch Lavos!"
Hey Lavos! This is Crono here. Um, as for these guys who want to kill you, I don't know any of them. I don't care about any of them. I'm just here to ask you a favor. I need one of your little jolts of pain to release me from a curse I have. You give me that and I promise I'll leave you alone. What do you say? If you want to finish up having sex with the Queen, that's cool. I'll just wait right here for you. She's pretty cute, isn't she?
"This is from me to you," said the Queen. "You shall enjoy eternal life....as part of Lavos!"
Can I be one of his spines? How about we make Lucca his anus, hahahahahahahaha! Boy, do I have a headache. I stumbled to my feet, intent on getting Lavos's attention.
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