We found the dactyls still sitting outside, although I thought Kino would have taken them home by now. Lazy bastard. We returned to the time gate up above the cliff again and Lucca looked at me skeptically.
"Robo," said Lucca. "You get on his right side and I'll get on his left side. Lock arms with me and we'll hold him in between us, so we all jump at the same time."
I was now standing at the top of a cliff with Lucca and Robo making a Crono sandwich. I was highly depressed. Hmmmmmmmm, hey, I know. Zap! Lucca and Robo were gone and I replaced them with Marle and Ayla. I now have four, nice, firm breasts squashed up against me.
Marle in the front and Ayla in the back. This is nice.
"Hee, hee," giggled Marle. "It's nice to see you, too, Crono!"
"Grrribbit, this is quite odd," said Frog.
What? Oops!
I zapped Frog away and got Ayla like I had origanally planned.
"Crono, what happen," asked Ayla, who was a little bit confused as she sniffed the back of my head.
Before I could take any action, Marle grabbed us both and pulled us over the cliff.
Back at the end of time we went to see the old man at the lamp post. He told us that a guy in the future was working on something called "the Wings of Time" and that we should go see him in spite of the fact that he had probably lost his mind.
Since we were going to Robo's time period he wanted to tag along, so I ditched Marle. We walked all the way back to the dome where we first saw the crazy old man and his Nu girlfriend.
Inside, all we found was the Nu sleeping the day away. Well, the crazy old man was dead. It's odd how we travel through time, yet we always seem to wind up at a later time than the last time we were there. I guess it's just the way it works or else we might run into ourselves from time to time.
Yeesh, thoughts like that give me a headache. I think I'll stare at Ayla while Robo talks to the Nu. After he talked to the Nu for a moment it conked out, so whatever it was supposed to do wasn't going to happen. I guess we can look around the place and try to figure it out on our own. Ayla, don't touch anything and don't go throwing any turds at anyone.
In the back I found one of the magical doors that I could open with my pendant and it worked just like I expected it to. What we found in the next room was a string of messages from the Guru of BS.
He said that he lived in the ancient kingdom of Zeal, which we already knew and that a great disaster sent him into the future. Aha! I was right. Something bad is going to happen to that kingdom. It's a damn good thing we left when we did. I guess I should thank that weird prophet guy after all.
The Guru's messages went on to talk about Lavos and basically he recapped everything we went to the trouble of figuring out on our own over the past few weeks, or days, or month or something. Damn, it's hard to keep track of time when you're transcending it.
Then the messages went on to talk about how Lavos was reigning from on top of Death Peak and replicating itself. Now I see where he's going with this. Basically, he's all brains and no brawn, so he wants us to save the entire planet from Lavos where he couldn't, but he's going to give us something in order to help us do that. Well, first I need to see the gift. I'm still not on the same page as my altruistic friends. I just need to get the hell away from them, so they can waste their time saving the world.
In the next room we found a huge machine that must be the Wings of Time.
"The Wings of Time," said Robo. "I believe I have heard of this device."
You're always a step behind me, Robo.
"What this thing," said Ayla.
You're always a football field behind me, Ayla.
The Nu had followed us in and he gave us a lift to get up onto the Wings of Time. Then he started talking like he was Belthasar, the Guru of BS. I'm freaked out, once again.
"I copied my memory into this thing," said Nubelthasar the Guru of Puns. "What do you think?"
Nubelthasar went on to explain how to use the Wings of Time. If I hadn't switched out Marle for Robo this would have been a looooong process.
He asked us to name the Wings of Time and I called it the Epoch. We got inside and I took the controls. Robo explained what I was supposed to do. It wasn't that hard. I moved the controls to the present and Robo stopped me.
He shook his head and pointed at the Dark Ages. I'm getting sick and tired of him and his knowing the correct course of action for me. He's been right so far, but it still pisses me off. Access to Lavos is in the Dark Ages and that's where I need to go.
We flashed into a huge volcanic looking area and Robo said something highly philosophical about human energy and sums and totals. Ayla on the other hand just said, "it great! It fast!!!"
These two are, without a doubt, complete polar opposites. I'll bet Kino and Epoch have something in common, though.
We appeared in the blizzard again, so I got rid of Ayla and brought Lucca back around. I'll keep her around to get through this blizzard at the very least. At the skyway we found that it was sealed, so we had to go look elsewhere.
Eventually, we came upon a cave with a ladder. Ladders are usually a sign of some sort of humanity, so I decided to take a look. I got rid of the robot and the crooked science geek and replace them with Marle and Frog. Marle is best for uncertain situations and Frog seems to be the member of my group that appreciates my activities the most.
Naturally, due to my polite upbringing, I let Marle climb the ladder first. Ladies first still applies in situations with possible traps or unfriendly creatures. When we got inside the cave we discovered that there were indeed humans living here. This was called Algetty and it was where the humans that didn't have magic lived.
We proceeded downward into the beast's nest and found ourselves face to face with an angry imp and his blue and red rhino pets. They didn't like being attacked by magic, so that's what we did. Afterwards, we climbed up a long chain onto a floating mountain called the Mountain of Woe. I guess this is where that Guru is being held. I hope he can help us out.
The mountain was connected through a series of chains and it was obviously not staying put through sound construction as much as some form of powerful magic. The fog was getting thicker and it was getting darker and darker as we moved across the mountain. We finally reached the summit and we came face to face with someone encased in a block of ice.
"Ah, 'tis where the Guru of Life remains imprisoned," said Frog.
Oh my god. Now it all makes sense, yet it's extremely depressing. One Guru gets sent to the future somehow, so it stands to reason that the other gurus may have shared a similar fate and here I am faced with something all too familiar. I just can't believe that Ozzie was ever referred to as the Guru of Life.
I looked around for switches to drop his ass off of the mountain like last time, but I didn't see anything. The ice would surely be impossible to break through as well. Before I could decide what to do, something odd happened.
"Look, it's disappearing," said Marle.
A huge monster came from behind where the ice block was sitting a few seconds ago. Obviously, Ozzie used to be a lot bigger and he was purple. Well, Ozzie, I'm going to kick your ass the normal way this time! His arms produced some highly powerful magic, but it was nothing we hadn't dealt with before. He paled in comparison to that awful Tyrano.
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