Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Chapter Twenty-Five: Keep Your Clothes On, Ladies

"Just after you died, Magus got all sad about not being able to beat Lavos," said Lucca. "Poor guy had gone through all that trouble and failed. I looked over at Schala. Man, she's a hottie, right Crono? Well, anyway. I was so mad that you had just been killed and then Frog told me that we needed to get out in order to save ourselves."

Magus sighed unhappily as he was reminded of his failure. Lucca was rambling and she was giving me a headache, too.

"Schala jumped up and said, "the last of my pendant's power will send you to safety."

"Then she asked us to forgive her mom and not hate her kingdom as she transported us away," said Lucca.

"When we got outside we could see Lavos spraying his death ray all over the place. He destroyed the floating islands and burned most of the planet. The floating islands just collapsed into the ocean, causing a huge tidal wave. Thanks to Lavos, the ice age was finally over."

"Me and Frog woke up in a hut and we could hardly believe what had happened. At the time I thought you were gone for good. The Elder walked in and said that he had found us delirious. Frog asked about you, but he said that there was no one else with us."

"Then I asked about Melchior. As it turns out, Melchior, Janus and the other two gurus got sucked into some sort of time portal. Melchior went to our time. Belthasar went to the future. Janus went to the Middle Ages and the other Guru went to the end of time. As for Schala. Nobody knows."

Wait a minute, Lucca. Janus is in the middle ages?.........Frog is Janus, right? Wow, what a coincidence! I looked over at Frog in amazement. Magus laughed. Obviously, he was still able to read my thoughts.

"Luckily, the Epoch was safe and then the Elder handed us the pendant," said Lucca

"Hee, hee, hee," laughed Marle. "I think this is when I came in! Let me tell the story, pretty please, pretty please with sugar on top?!"

"Fine, you can tell the story," said Lucca. "I went back to the end of time then, anyway."

"Well," said Marle. "I appeared with the group and we got rid of Lucca and brought in Ayla, so we could have a super party, which was totally cool!"

Marle is about to die.

"So, like, we went to the commons and there were people from the magic islands and people that had been living on the ground living there together now," said Marle. "It was soooo cool that they lived together and now they didn't think less of each other. I think everybody should be happy and nice to each other, don't you Crono?"

Lucca put her gun up to the back of Marle's head. I just held in the laughter and nodded my head.

"I think so, too," said Marle. "But then, that's when the baaaaad guy showed up!"

Your dad managed to make it to 11,000 BC?

"That icky Dalton guy came running in with some of his soldiers and they told us to bow down to him! Can you believe that, Crono?"

(snore) Un...bllvblle.........

Marle slapped me in the side of the head.

"Pay attention, Cronooooooooo," yelled Marle. "So then, he starts talking about how the Queen and the Gurus were all gone, so now he said that we were living in the new kingdom of Dalton. I bet he'd try to make me the queen or something, right, Crono?"

Or the court jester, perhaps. Magus looked at me and nodded in agreement.

"He said something about a vehicle or something that a guy he knew was building and that it was ours, so he must have meant the Epoch," said Marle. "Then he said that it was now his personal chariot and I was like, no way!"

Pull the trigger Lucca. Pull the trigger and the pain will all be gone.

"So I just said, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU BIG, UGLY, STINKY BUTTHEAD," said Marle. "He shot a fireball at me and I blocked it with my crossbow. He was like, what, and I just stood there staring at him."

Just then, Marle's pants fell down around her ankles.

"Ahhhhhhh," screamed Marle. "Why does that keep happening?!!! That stupid Lavos!"

I laughed and Marle pulled her pants back up. They had an oddly positioned rip on the waistband.

Marle stopped talking and ran away to try and fix her pants. Frog and Ayla decided to take over for her in storytelling.

"Grrribbit," said Frog. "Ah, yes, Dalton captured us at that junction and placed us in prison upon the Blackbird. T'was much less comfortable than the swamp, my good lad."

"Ayla only one who can fight," yelled Ayla. "Bad man take all stuff! We run all over big iron bird and get stuff back!"

"Alas," said Frog, "when we finally regained our belongings, we found ourselves precariously hanging from the outside of the Blackbird. It was most unsettling."

"Wind begin to blow," said Ayla. "Ayla almost fall off of big metal bird and then rock beast appear! Look like Robo's daddy, hahahahahahaha!"

You're pretty funny for a person that should never talk. Robo didn't look too pleased with Ayla.

Right before my eyes, Ayla's top fell off and my mouth dropped open.

"Oof," said Ayla. "It happen again! Why Ayla's clothes not fit right anymore? Must be Lavos!"

Magus looked at me and I could hear his voice.

"Since I've been part of this group, I've used my scythe to cut the back of Ayla's top half a dozen times. It falls off and I get a little bit of heaven for a moment. She still can't figure out why it keeps happening, but I've managed to convince her that it's because of Lavos. Same goes for Marle. I leave Lucca alone. I think it's best not to mess with her."

I looked at Magus and I was intrigued. He just winked at me.

Ayla put her top back on and I regained my composure.....well, mostly.

"We fight big rockman, but big rockman afraid of heights, so he can't fight Ayla," said Ayla.

"Yes, lass," said Frog under his breath. "And as always, you did it all by yourself."

"What you say, Frog," asked Ayla.

"Grrribbit," said Frog. "Amazingly, it was then that we saw Dalton flying upon the Epoch! He had given it wings and laser cannons to fire at us."

"Ayla dodge burning light," said Ayla. "Ayla no die! Ayla jump onto Epoch and beat him up!"

"'Tis true," said Frog. "We abandoned all logic and dove from the wings of the Blackbird onto the Epoch, where we battled Dalton. 'Twas then that Dalton called upon his Golem Boss, whom we had just defeated. Instead, Dalton was transported away and his whereabouts are unbeknownst to us."

Without me, you just aren't doing things thoroughly, huh?

"Ayla push button on Epoch and light beam fire at Blackbird," said Ayla. "Blackbird go down into water and die."

Hey, Magus. How about cutting off Ayla's top again. That was actually interesting. Magus chuckled.

"We returned to the commons in triumph with Dalton defeated and justice served," said Frog. "A woman pointed us in the direction of the North Cape as a place where a friend of ours was located. Thinking it could perchance have been you, we hurried there, but we didn't find you, obviously. Instead, we found......"

Frog looked over at Magus. Magus waved at me and he cut off Ayla's top again.

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