I ran at Magus with my sword and did minimal damage. He countered with his powerful magic. Anytime one of us attacked, Magus would counter with a spell. Some weird voice gave us instructions on how to fight him, so we figured out that when he attacked us with a certain type of magic, that's what we should attack him with right back and as far as non-magic attacking goes, it just wasn't worth it.
This certainly was the leader of the Mystics, but 3 on 1 was just too much for him.
"W...what have you done to the Masamune," said Magus as he fell to his knees.
Um, we fixed it, dumbass.
"It's a large-scale energy reaction," said Robo.
The blue fires had gone out and the entire area began to phase in and out of perspective.
"Could it be...Lavos," said Frog.
"Bad timing," said Magus. "Don't wake up on me now!"
Ok. Here's my chance to get cured. Come on, Lavos!
"What do you mean," asked Robo. "According to my records, Lavos was born here, at THIS precise moment."
Oh, that's right. My friends are still in the kill Magus to keep Lavos from being born mode.
"You fools," said Magus. "I only summoned him! He lives in the inner earth, absorbing the land's power and growing ever stronger!"
Robo looked at me and I tried to pretend like I was surprised.
"Then my data must be incorrect," said Robo.
"What's going on," said Frog.
"Impossible," yelled Robo, "a gate this large should not exist!"
Any second now I was going to get my chance. Come and get some, Lavos! We began to swirl around in circles with Magus in the center of a huge gate that was opening up. I heard a deafening growl and that's the last thing I remember.
I woke up in my bed back home. I couldn't see any of my friends around. I must have been cured! I'm finally free of those idiots and their world-saving delusions of grandeur!
"Crono! Crono! Wake up, Crono," said a familiar voice. I looked up and there was Marle staring down at me. Oh, no. Don't tell me. I'm still stuck with you people?
DAMNIT!
"Honey...you'll be late for work," she said.
What? Did she just call me....oh my god, it's worse than I thought!
"I'd forgotten how beautiful Leene's bell could sound," said Marle.
I'd forgotten just how awful your voice sounds, but I'm remembering all too well, now!
"Crono we can't keep sponging off of my dad! Go out and get a job!"
Noooooooooo! It's true! I'm married to Marle! Now when I truly wish Lucca was here, she's nowhere to be found! Would someone with a gun please get up here, put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger! I'd rather marry Flea!
Wait! I never said "I do", so it doesn't count. What is it with girls? They think the best way to make you feel better after you come out of a coma is to marry you when you have no say in the matter?
"Crono, Crono, Crono, Crono, Crono, Crono, Crono, Crono!"
Marle was obviously trying to make me even more annoyed with her. I looked around for my sword. I was going to kill this wench once and for all! I jumped out of bed and suddenly I realized that I wasn't in my house.
I was on a bearskin rug and standing in front of me was......oh, my. I know you. Please tell me that you're the one I'm married to and not that hideous cheerleader.
"Crono awake," asked Ayla. "Ayla had strange dream. Went to Mystic Mountains. Everyone lie there, hurt. I carry back to hut."
So, why didn't you kill the reptite that was responsible for it? You brought him back to the hut with us?
"Magus," said Frog.
"Yummy Frog," said Ayla. "For Ayla eat?"
Oh, oh, thank god, it was just a dream. Thank you, god!
"P, perish the thought, lass," said Frog. "By the way, whither the blue-haired one?"
"Only find you there," said Ayla. "Blue-hair one more tasty?"
No, but he's luckier. I bet he managed to break his curse and he'll never have to hang around with his loser friends anymore unless he wants to. Crap.
"We hath lost him," said Frog.
Robo looked at me and said, "if Magus didn't create Lavos, then in what era was it...born?"
How the hell should I know!
"Lavos? Not worry now," said Ayla. "You rest. Hurt bad."
How about you give me a back rub, Ayla? Ayla left and we all took a nap. When I woke up, Kino was standing over me. I jumped up and got ready to fight.
"Crono, okay now?" asked Kino. "Ayla busy, look for Laruba Village. Fight Reptites together. Destroy Reptites or we no survive."
You can start by killing the Reptite right over there. Why is it that Ayla and her people can be so racist towards every Reptite they meet, but they can distinguish between them and Frog? If only we could all just get along......and have sex with Ayla.........oops, I lost my train of thought. It got derailed by a purple bikini, long blond hair and deadly curves.
"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiino!" A scream from outside woke me back up from my daydream and we left to investigate. According to a messenger the northern woods had burned.
Not wanting to get left out of the fun, we went north to see what was going on and we found the Laruba village in ruins. Somehow, the Reptites had found the village and between the time Kino left to go to Laruba village and the time when we left to follow him, he had managed to get kidnapped. Excellent.........
An old man with a freaky headdress was scolding Ayla and blaming her for the damage. I was about to stab him.
"Ayla feel bad," said Ayla.
"Reptites strong," said the old man. "They live long time before us, they smart so we hide."
Ayla was getting excited and she was bouncing up and down. I was getting excited as well.
"Old man breathe, but dead on inside," said Ayla.
She wanted to go fight the Reptites and I'll be damned if I'll let her go it alone!
"Give Dactyl," yelled Ayla.
"Go to Tyrano Lair?" asked the old man. "That Reptite's place. Dangerous! Ayla want die?"
"Want to live, so go there," said Ayla.
You tell that old fart, Ayla! And........take off your top to give him a heart attack!
"OK," said the old man. "Go to Dactyl Nest and keeper will help. Careful, Ayla!"
"Thank you, old man," said Ayla and she ran off towards the Dactyl Nest.
We followed her. There were some monkeys and flying beasts that we fought, but it was nothing me and the boys couldn't handle. At the back of the Dactyl Nest we found Ayla looking up in the sky as these big scary looking flying dinosaurs landed next to her.
"Crono," screamed Ayla.
At your service m'lady.
"Thou goest forth alone?" asked Frog. "I know not thine quest, but a comrade of Crono's is also mine. I will not allow thee to meet thy demise alone."
Son of a.......the frog was trying to move in on my girl with his sweet talking!
"No," said Ayla. "Tyrano Lair dangerous! Maybe all perish!"
"You desire to perish," asked Frog. "I refuseth to be party to yet another demise! Let us proceed, Crono!"
Geez, I think I'm falling in love with Frog. He has such high moral standards.
"Ayla have strong friends," said Ayla.
"Let us proceed to the Tyrano Lair," said Robo.
Ayla magically found two extra flying dinosaurs and Frog disappeared. Hey, I can't have him moving in on my girl. I decided to bring Lucca as well and sent Robo packing.
Lucca might freak Ayla out enough to drive her into my arms or at least she'll freak me out enough to drive me into Ayla's arms. We were up in the air on the backs of the dactyls and we flew towards the Tyrano Lair. I noticed a huge red star in the sky that didn't look very familiar to me. I guess even the heavens were different 65 million years before I was born.
The Tyrano Lair didn't look very inviting. Well, here I am invading another realm of bad guys in another era of time. I must be the only human being in the history of the world capable of succeeding at anything. I just hope Ayla notices.
Inside the Tyrano Lair we found lots of Reptites and their little freaky monster pals. We went downstairs and killed the guards holding some of Ayla's people prisoner. We let them out and they just ran past us without a word of thanks. Not that I care, because they'll sure be pissed when they realize the only way home is to cross all that lava........unless they steal our dactyls...........damnit!
We kept going down and we found Kino in a cage. I wanted to leave the pretty boy where he was and make out with Ayla right in front of his face, but before I could act, Ayla was kicking down the bars to the cage. Remind me never to make her angry. Maybe I should just stick with Marle.
Ayla told Kino to go back with the Laruba villagers and that he would be the new chief if she died..........or was kidnapped by an evil man with a timekey. We followed Kino back upstairs and he showed us how to operate the skull doors. I could have figured that out on my own.
I didn't want to be trapped in the Tyrano Lair, so we went back outside to give the villagers rides back. Oddly enough, the villagers and Kino were nowhere to be found. The only possibility aside from being burned alive in the lava was that they had jumped down off of the cliff that the Tyrano Lair was on top of. Hey, if we could have walked here, we wouldn't have gone through all the trouble of getting these stupid monsters to ride on. They smelled worse than Lucca.
I guess Kino and all the villagers were dead. They should have waited for us. At least they didn't steal my ride. Up the first set of stairs we found monsters waiting for us. Just before we got within fighting range I stepped on a switch. Crap! It must be some sort of trap!
Then, before my eyes, the monsters fell into hole created by trap doors. Jeez, these guys must be Ozzie's ancestors. In one room we found some treasure chests. I opened one and found some ether to enjoy and when I opened the other it triggered a trap door and there I was face to face with the same monsters I was making fun of earlier. Well, they live here, so they have no excuse.
We worked our way back up and came to a wide open room with a bunch of chests to open. I walked straight towards one and suddenly we were transported to a different area of the room. We just kept running around and being transported over and over. This was obviously some sort of maze.
Eventually, we got transported right next to one of the chests. The last chest I opened caused a trap door, so I stepped back, grabbed Ayla and pointed Lucca towards the treasure chest.
"Oh, no," said Lucca. "I'm not an idiot. If you want someone to open up a chest that causes a trap door to open, you'll have to find someone a lot stupider than-"
Zap! Lucca was gone and Marle was standing in her place.
I pointed at the chest and Marle just giggled at me. She opened it and there was no trap door. No problem. After collecting all the free stuff, we found our way to the exit at the far end of the room.
We finished running all over the place and having Marle flick switches that looked like traps until we finally came into a room where Nizbel was standing there flapping his arms like an idiot.
"Azala's in the back," he said.
We went to the back of the room and Nizbel chased us down. Obviously, Azala wasn't there like he had said before. Did he think he was gaining a tactical advantage by lying about it?
"This is a special place," said Nizbel. "The great Nizbel was defeated here!"
What? Did he just tell us that he was going to fight us and lose? I don't care. Let's kick his ass.
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