When we walked outside I could see that we were no longer on the planet, but instead, we were up above the clouds on a group of floating islands. Don't tell me that Ayla's ancestors managed all of this? They've just mastered the concept of flinging feces at each other.
We walked into a section of the floating island that was called Enhasa. Immediately, I noticed one of those shaved hamsters like Masa and Mune.
"This is the eternal kingdom of Zeal, where dreams can come true," it said. "But at what price?"
The hamster hopped into the air and disappeared. Ok. Do you think you could teach Marle that?
The people here just kept talking about their magic and sleeping and a bunch of crap I wasn't interested in. I saw another one of those hamsters and I couldn't resist, so I went over to talk to it.
"Am I a butterfly dreaming I'm a man," said the hamster, "or a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sashimi? Never assume that what you see and feel is real!"
You aren't sure whether you're a bowling ball falling on a man or a butterfly screwing a plate of sashimi and then you try to give me advice? The hamster disappeared just like the last one. I can't believe Frog uses two of these freaks as a sword.
I didn't know what to make of this weird place, but one thing was for sure, some sort of disaster had killed it long before my time or even worse, it was still around in my time and I just didn't know about it yet. Just as I had formulated my thoughts, Marle let loose a monstrous fart that shook the entire island.
For a second I thought we were about to become part of the natural disaster I had just predicted. She just giggled and acted like it was something she always did. At that point, I noticed just how awful it smelled and I fell to my knees in pain trying to catch a breath that didn't make me nauseous.
"The black wind howls," said a weird little blue-haired boy that was passing by with his hand over his nose. "One among you, will shortly perish."
You said it kid. Jesus Christ, Marle. We need to put you on a farm.
I zapped Marle away and brought in Lucca.
"What is that smell," said Lucca.
"It's the smell of death," said Robo.
Lucca helped me to my feet and we hurried away to another area. I saw another of the hamsters, but I was starting to get the idea that I had been talking to the same one this whole time.
"I'm Doreen," it said. "Seek the hidden path, and open the doors of knowledge, each in turn."
Doreen jumped into the air and disappeared. What a freak. I hope you find your bowling ball or whatever the hell it is you're doing.
I found a book that let loose a spray of water when I opened it. I opened another book that was blowing wind at me. When I opened another one, it caught on fire and a trap door opened behind it. I ran inside to hide so I wouldn't get blamed for the fire.
Inside we found a little blue guy called a Nu. I had run into his kind before.
"The Guru of reason is gone," said the Nu. "Challenge me to a fight?"
Well, I must admit that I'm shaking in my boots at the thought of fighting a blue head with arms, legs and a seashell on its head, but I'll give it a go.
He transformed into 6 Nus, which I hadn't expected. These Nus couldn't be trusted, that's for sure. He didn't say, "challenge us", but nevertheless, we had no trouble kicking their asses. When the Nu died he gave me some more of that magic stuff that gets my little man going.
A book on the table said, "all of life begins with Nu and ends with Nu. This is the truth! This is my belief!...at least for now."
Obviously this Guru of Reason was actually the Guru of BS. If you're going to come up with a theory like that and not be certain, you're probably just some crazy old man with Alzheimer's that's been taking too many tabs and using your fair share of ether.
We left Enhasa and got into the next transporter thing. We found ourselves back on the planet with all the snow. Lucca looked apprehensive, but we toughed it out. She used her fire magic to keep us warm. I should have thought of this in the first place.
We walked north and found another transporter. Sure enough, it brought us to another one of the floating islands. Why the hell didn't they just build these things to transport from island to island? Then they wouldn't have to walk in the freezing cold.
We were now on the main section of the floating islands. A small mountain was to our right as well as a conspicuous looking waterfall. I saw something huge in the distance. When we came to it, we could see a huge device behind a few guards. They called it the Blackbird.
"Everything A-okay, Sir Dalton," said one of the guards, who was talking to someone behind us.
A strange man in a cape was standing there looking at us suspiciously.
"Of course it is, you idiot," said Dalton. "Hey you! What're you doing there!"
I think he was talking to us now, but I really didn't care.
"Aha," he said. "It was true then! You're the ones the prophet said would come and cause trouble!"
He kept talking and it sounded like he was about to attack us, but then he just turned and walked away. This place is full of the strangest people I've ever met.
Not wanting to let the fun end, I went into a place called Kajar with more of the magic freaks talking about philosophy, butterflies and screwing Nus. I did the little 3 book opening trick and found my way into another secret place. I found a piece of charcoal on the ground and another book to read on a table. The book said, "It all began aeons ago, when man's ancestors picked up a shard of a strange red rock. It's power, which was beyond human comprehension, cultivated dreams. In turn, love and hate were born. Only time will see how it all ends."
Hmmmmmm, I guess so. Sounds like another delirious old guy to me. We left Kajar and followed a path with a chain of transporters that brought me to what seemed to be the main building of the whole floating island chain. The first guy we met told us that this was Queen Zeal's palace. Hmmmmm, Queen Zeal. She must be in charge of all of this.
To the far right we found a set of bedrooms. When we walked into the right of the two, we overheard that weird little boy from earlier talking to his............gorgeous, older sister.
NOW, I know the reason why I've been time traveling. To meet you! I've been wasting my time with Marle and Ayla when she's been waiting for me all this time. Lucca slapped me in the back of the head.
"Stop drooling, Crono," she said.
"Schala," said the little boy to his sister.
"Oh, you're back Janus," said Schala. "Is something wrong?"
Her name is Schala..................oh, baby.
"The black wind," said Janus.
"You feel it, too," said Schala. "Don't worry, it'll be alright."
Holy cow! Marle scared Janus to the point that he's discussing it with his hottie sister, not to mention the fact that she felt the power Marle let loose over here on an entirely different island. Maybe I should have given Marle some more credit.
Schala gave Janus an amulet and then they started trashing their mother. Ungrateful, spoiled brats. Their mom gives them all of this luxury, free of pain and suffering and yet they complain, because she expects them to mow the lawn or take out the trash. I hate rich kids.
My eavesdropping was interrupted by a messenger that told Schala she had to go to a place called the Ocean Palace. When Shala saw me she looked surprised and asked who I was. Before I could explain to her about destiny, fate, love and her removing her clothing, the messenger interrupted again and urged her to hurry. Damnit! I missed my chance.
I walked over to Janus and his ugly little purple cat.
"Don't waste your time," said Janus. "Alfador only likes me."
Oh, he does, you little turd? How about this?!
I stomped on Alfador's tail and he shot 15 feet up in the air, coming down on Janus's face. Now THAT made this whole trip worthwhile, but for now, I've gotta catch up with Schala to declare my love.
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