As soon as we walked in the door the Chancellor got excited.
"Princess Nadia," he yelled.
Oh great. Here it comes. Step away from the hooligan so we can execute him, blah, blah, blah. Just tell me when to start running, ok?
"I've been worried, Princess," said the Chancellor. "I understand your pain. But the king really only cares about his realm..."
Ouch! Chew on that you little brat.
"Yes, even when your mother, Queen Aliza passed away, he worked all day," said the Chancellor.
Wait a second. Queen Aliza? The king was married to that Reptite leader? Marle is half Reptite, hahahahahahahaha!
"No one could do that," said Marle. "It's inhuman!"
"Oh, child, it's ancient history now," said the Chancellor.
Don't you try to tell us about what is and isn't ancient history! You call something that happened 10 years ago, ancient? We've been running all over time doing this and that and getting NO THANKS WHATSOEVER! I....I just need a break. A pop tart would really hit the spot.
"Tell me more," said Marle.
"This may be difficult," said the Chancellor. "Well, Queen Aliza's condition suddenly changed for the worst. She desperately wanted to see the king one last time, but he couldn't find the time to drop by."
HA! He was probably with my mom. Men are such jerks.
"Said he had some work to do," said the Chancellor. "But knowing nothing about death, you waited faithfully by your mother's side. Aliza passed away in sorrow. It's as if the king indirectly killed her....such a shame."
"WHAT," screamed Marle. "Father KILLED? MY MOTHER?"
No, he said that he indirectly killed her. Kinda like how you get mad at me when I'm not paying enough attention to you? Believe me, your father had nothing to do with it. It's just a female thing. When things aren't going right, they blame the most important man in their life to get through it........or die in the case of your mother. Stock market crashed? Oh, damn that Crono! Lavos invaded the planet? Crono, you jerk this is all your fault! What? I'm pregnant! Crono, this is all your fault! You women are all the same.
"But what do I know," said the Chancellor. "There are reasons for everything, right dear? Now...so glad to see you back again. Please go visit the king."
We walked around, but we couldn't get anywhere. It seemed as if there was some sort of trial going on, so we went to the courtroom.
"No entry allowed," said the guards.
"Let me through!" screamed Marle.
It actually worked and we got inside the courtroom.
"Had any of you heard of the Rainbow Shell," said the Chancellor.
Wow, he's quick. One second he's turning Marle against her father and the next second he's prosecuting the king.
"I, too had no idea until I found this," said the Chancellor. "It's an ancestral will. It says, "Unveil the Rainbow Shell to the people at the Millennial Fair"."
"What are you talking about?" said the King. "We have no family heirlooms here!"
"So this is a forgery," said the Chancellor. "Why does the defendant deny the people a glimpse of the Rainbow Shell? Because he no longer HAS it!! He sold the heirloom for cash. Witness, please!"
Marle jumped forward and interrupted the trial.
"Wh, what is it, Nadia," asked the Chancellor. "We are conducting a trial here."
"Father," said Marle.
"Nadia," said the king. "The Chancellor is trying to frame me!"
Of course he is! Why would you sell off a treasure to get money? You're a king. You can just increase taxes and steal from your people the easy way.
"He hurls insults," said the Chancellor, who just got done hurling insults at the king at the front of the castle. "Confirm your innocence with proof!"
"Proof," said Marle.
"Yes," said the Chancellor. "If he hasn't sold the heirloom, it should be in the castle. Show me the Rainbow Shell and I'll accept his innocence, heh, heh."
Did he just laugh like an evil villain in the middle of a trial?
"Chancellor," yelled the king. "What kind of trickery is this?"
"Remove them," yelled the Chancellor.
Guards came and pulled us outside of the courtroom.
"No entry allowed," said the guards.
"Let me through," screamed Marle, but the guards held fast this time.
"Find the Rainbow Shell and we'll be able to prove the King's innocence," said Lucca.
"What are you saying," said Marle. "It's a lie! There IS no heirloom!"
Oh, my god. Is she that stupid?........Why am I asking that question? Yes, she is that stupid. It's been proven time and time again.
"We changed history back in 600 AD," said Lucca. "So the Rainbow Shell should still be in the castle!"
"Aha," said Marle as if she had just figured it all out on her own. "The Rainbow Shell we gave to my ancestor 400 years ago is still here. It's probably in the basement."
Just like your brains. I need some relief from this pain. I zapped Lucca away and brought Magus back.
"Why the hell do you always bring me in when I'm trying to get some sleep," yelled Magus. "Oh, I get it. Hey, I understand, buddy. The ladies are getting on your nerves and I'm the only guy you have to choose from. Unless you count Bobo or the Frog."
"Hi, Magus," said Marle. "We've gotta find the Rainbow Shell or else they'll convict my daddy of selling off a family heirloom!"
Marle's pants fell down around her ankles and the courtroom guards gasped.
"Let's go, Crono," said Magus.
We ran towards the stairs and down to the basement.
"WAIT FOR ME," screamed Marle as she tried to pull her pants up and run at the same time, but only succeeded in falling on her face. The guards were laughing at this point.
We got to the basement and found a guard lying on the ground complaining of a rat bite and further into the basement we found a couple of snakes discussing how their boss was trying to get revenge by framing the king. Hmmmmmmm, I'm beginning to see what's going on here. Marle came running in at that point, unfortunately and we killed the two snakes.
"So there IS a plot," said Marle. "Let's hurry!"
What a surprise. Marle's about two steps behind us on everything. Way in the back of the basement after fighting through enemies weak enough to be killed by Marle's crossbow, we found the Rainbow Shell. It was here all along. Man, the defense for the king must have been awful. He didn't even bother to search the castle to make sure the Rainbow Shell wasn't around.
"The Rainbow Shell," screamed Marle.
"There's a letter here," said Magus. "Shall we burn it?"
Yes, we could do that. Or we could read it.
"To Marle," said Marle.
Um, I think that means it's for you, Marle. In case you weren't sure.
"Dearest Marle," said the letter. "I know things are tough between you and your father. But nothing can break your bond of blood. Neither words of anger, nor great distances. Someday, when you have children, you will understand. This special bond is part of a family tree which links us together. -Queen Guardia XXI, Leene.
Right, right, neither words of anger, nor great distances can break a bond of blood, but I bet a nice sledgehammer to the skull would break that bond in a second. How does Queen Leene know anything about having children? She doesn't have any. Well, I guess she could have written this after she had children, but I doubt it. And even worse than that, it took Queen Leene about 10 seconds to forget who Magus was and become best friends with him.
"Perhaps we could have this conversation later," said Magus.
I'm sorry, but only a completely moronic fool would take advice from that stupid queen from the Middle Ages.
"The Queen is right," said Marle.
See, I told you.
"Father," said Marle, "hang in there, we're coming!"
Marle grabbed a shard of the Rainbow Shell and we returned to the courtroom. The guards still wouldn't let us in, so I pulled out my sword and prepared to kill them. We've killed the evil Mother Brain from the future, the guardian of the Sun Stone, several of Dalton's Golems, Azala and that big fat Tyrano, so I think we can handle a couple of Guardia peons.
"No, wait," said Marle. "Let's make it as difficult as possible by climbing outside and risking a deadly fall to our deaths as we break through a stain glass window that could easily slash us open causing us to bleed to death!"
I looked at Magus and he shrugged his shoulders. Marle ran off and we just stood there looking at the guards. There was no way we were going to follow Princess Ditz. Before we knew it, she was inside and opening the door to let us in. She showed a prism shard to the Chancellor and he got pretty upset.
"Your little scheme is over, Chancellor," yelled Marle in triumph.
It was quite a climactic moment until her pants fell down.
"Um, princess," said the king.
"Yes, father," said Marle.
"We can all see your ass," said the king.
Eh, I've seen it before and as long as Magus is around I'll see it again and again. The entire courtroom burst into roaring laughter as Marle's face turned red and she pulled her pants back up.
"Grrr..I mean..uh," said the Chancellor.
"Huh," said Marle.
"Hee, hee, hee! It's not the plot you think," said the Chancellor. "I'm here to avenge my ancestors."
The king ran out of the room like a little weakling. I think we all know who wears the pants in this kingdom. That is, when they aren't down around her ankles.
"Super, ultra, presto....TRANSFORM-O," yelled the Chancellor.
He changed into Yakra, or at least he changed into Yakra's descendant. Seriously, though, who didn't see this coming?
"I didn't see this coming at all," said Marle in disbelief. "What happened to the real Chancellor?"
It's like clockwork with her.
We kicked Yakra's ass with little effort. Wasn't Yakra on your side back in the middle ages, Magus? Couldn't you have just told him to back off?
"Father...I," said Marle.
"No don't say it," said the king. "I was wrong to be so stubborn."
Your daughter's great in the sack, so don't feel too bad.
"No, I didn't even think about how you felt," said Marle.
I slapped her on the ass. Atta girl, Marle. Fix that tarnished relationship with your father! The king gave me a nasty look. I guess I did just slap his daughter on the ass, but he's done my mom a hundred times. Turnabout is fair play.
"Um," said Marle, "I know it in my heart, but the words just come out wrong."
"I too, have that problem," said the king. "I thought you left me, but realized that it was I, who abandoned you."
I slapped the king on the ass. Atta boy, king. Fix that tarnished relationship with your daughter. Did I mention how good she is in the sack?
"But I'm here now," said Marle. "We'll talk about everything that's happened. About Crono, and mother, and..."
Hey, don't bring me into this!
"Your mother," said the king. "How sad! It has taken me so long to understand what Aliza meant with her last words."
It took you all this time to figure out what she meant when she said, "NO WE CAN'T HAVE SEX NOW! I'M DYING, YOU IDIOT!"
"Someday when Nadia grows up, she will bring her beloved to meet you," said the king, who was quoting Azala.
"Welcome him warmly. It will be a day you remember forever."
Uh, I sure hope he's talking about Magus.
"You heard her last words," asked Marle.
"Of course," said the king. "You were so young! You ran around saying Daddy, it's fun having all my favorite people here! Seeing you so happy, she felt reassured and she left us quite peacefully."
"So that's how it was," said Marle.
"Yes, why," asked the king.
"I used to call you daddy," asked Marle.
Heh, she calls me daddy right now.
"You did," said the king.
Marle walked over, gave her daddy a hug and said, "I'm sorry...Daddy. I'm really sorry for doubting you."
Get off of me, Marle! I pushed her away, so she settled for a hug from the king.
We went back to the throne room and the king said, "I'll let you exit the castle, BUT, you be careful now. Take care of her!"
Can do, kingy! I slapped Marle on the ass and honked her boob. She giggled. The king snarled at me. Hey, don't forget what that dead tramp wife of yours said. I can do whatever I want to Marle and you can't say a thing about it. I pushed Marle onto the ground and started kicking her.
"Ow, C,Crono, stop kidding, OUCH, stop kidding around," said Marle. I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. I looked at the king, pointed at his daughter, then at my crotch, nodded my head and gave him a thumbs up. His lips tightened, his face started to turn red and then Melchior came into the room.
"It's my turn now," said Melchior. Hey, you can have a turn after I'm done with her old man!
"Melchior," said Marle.
"Can't let you run the whole show," said Melchior. "Let me make some weapons from the Rainbow Shell! Finally time for me to do somethin'. Watch and learn!"
We walked out of the throne room and I still had Marle thrown over my shoulder like a side of beef. I gave the king one last wave and we left. This is my kingdom now.
"Don't worry, king," said Magus. "We'll take good care of her. Crono's mom has already taught Marle the family business."
"What is Magus talking about?" whispered Marle in my ear.
I just shook my head.
Once we were out of the king's sight, I set Marle back on the ground. Back in the courtroom I found a strange key on the floor that I used to unlock a treasure chest. The REAL Chancellor popped out of it.
"Princess Nadia," he said. "Your friends, I presume? Wait, I don't have time for this. I must prepare for the Moonlight Parade!"
Right on cue, all three of us pulled our pants down and aimed our bare asses at the Chancellor as we paraded around him in a circle.
"Ha." said the Chancellor sarcastically. "I get it. MOONlight parade. Pull your pants up, please."
We pulled our pants back up and Marle just giggled at me. If only the king and Chancellor knew that we were the only thing standing between Lavos and the destruction of humanity.
We found Melchior looking at the Rainbow Shell.
"This is a very rare," he said.
A very rare what?
"As armor, it deflects magic! I can make you 1 Prism Dress, featuring maximum defense, or I can make 3 less-effective Prism Helms. Which would you prefer?"
I'll take the helmets, old man.
"You want Prism Helms? You're sure," said Melchior.
Don't make me talk again.
"All right," said Melchior. "You just wait there!"
Melchior gave us the Prism Helms and they looked pretty tough.
Then he noticed the Sun Stone and he said, "ahhh! A Sun Stone! I'll create an alloy out of it!"
He did just that and when he was done he gave us some PrismSpecs.
"Heh, heh, don't think that's the last of my bag of tricks," said Melchior.
He gave a sword called Rainbow to me. That's just great. Frog gets the Masamune and I get the Rainbow. That has to be the least manly sword any hero has ever carried.
"Come on, Crono," said Magus. "Let's go kick some Lavos butt! I'll use my DoomSickle and you can use your Rainbow!"
Magus started to snicker at me. Marle couldn't help it and she started giggling, too.
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