Chapter Thirty-One: Notes in Marle's Cavern

Lucca's shot wizzed past Magus' head and Magus started laughing.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, your weapons REALLY suck," said Magus. "I need a break, Crono. I'm going to sit out your next goodwill journey." Magus plopped down in a corner.

The old man had said something about a Rainbow Shell that could be used to make new weapons for us. Obviously, not a new gun for Lucca.

I decided to bring Lucca and Marle. I think Lucca wants to try out her new gun on something other than Magus and Marle is starting to look depressed about her dad. We piloted the Epoch back to the Middle Ages and went to the Choras Inn to see a guy named Toma, who knows about this sort of thing.

Sure enough, he was sitting there in the cafe, so we asked him about it.

"Hey, Crono," said Toma. "I've finally got a lead on the Rainbow Shell."

Marle stepped in between us. "Hi, my name's Marle," she said and held out her hand while she giggled.

"Oh, my name is Toma," said Toma.

HEY! I'm the only available man in Marle's life. I put my arm around Marle, but she just pushed me away. It looks like all those times where I used her to set off traps is finally catching up with me.

"So, Toma," said Marle. "I was just wondering what you were doing next Saturday. My schedule is wide open."

And so are your legs, you tramp. Lucca was just smiling as she watched the whole situation developing.

"Well, uh," said Toma, "I've gotta go look for this Rainbow Shell thing, but if I make it back alive, I'd be glad to go out with you. How does 6 o'clock sound?"

"That sounds great Toma," said Marle and she moved in and planted a kiss right on his lips. "Think about that until next Saturday." Toma looked like he was pissing in his pants and Marle walked back over next to Lucca.

Great. Just great. You think you have a girl in your back pocket and the next thing you know she's sleeping with your friends. After all the things I've done for her. If Toma had been there on the floating islands he would know better than to go out with someone as potent as Marle. If he even tries to date MY woman, he's going to have to deal with my sword!

Toma shook the stars out of his eyes and said, "Um, as I was saying, Crono, there's something odd going on... Oh, can you hang on to this for me?"

Toma handed me his pop.

"If I don't return, come to my grave and pour this on my headstone. Gee, isn't this morbid?"

I have a feeling you're not going to return, GIRLFRIEND THIEF!

Luckily, we could jump into the time machine and give it a shot right away. Off to the present we went. We found Toma's grave right away and poured his pop onto his headstone like he told us to. A ghostly figure appeared in front of us. It was Toma.

"Crono, long time no see," said Toma. "Oh.......I see that Marle chick is still with you."

"What does that mean, Toma?" said Marle.

"As if you don't know," said Toma. "I went on all those dates with you and I was so in love with you. I was about to ask you to marry me and then I found out you were just using me to make Crono jealous. You're a jerk, Marle."

I crossed my arms and looked over at Marle with a triumphant look on my face. Yep, I've still got it.

Marle just looked at the ground uncomfortably and then she looked over at Lucca.

"I thought you said this would work like a charm, Lucca," said Marle.

"Well, damnit, Marle," said Lucca, "I didn't expect that we'd be talking to the ghost of the guy you use to make Crono jealous!"

Marle started to whimper and cry a little bit.

"Crono always just takes me for granted," said Marle. "He doesn't pay attention to me as much as he should, (sniffle), he's always chasing after other girls, using me to check for traps, and, and (sniffle) he thinks he can just push me aside when he doesn't feel like dealing with me, and-"

I pushed Marle aside as I didn't feel like dealing with her and turned back to Toma.

"Good call, Crono," said Toma. "I've located the Rainbow Shell. To the Northwest of this cape is a large island called the Giant's Claw. You can find the Shell there. But beware! There are many beasts about! Time to shove off!"

I can handle any beasts that come my way. I've put up with these two since this whole thing began.

Toma floated away and disappeared. "You guys are a riot a minute," said Toma. "See ya!"

We walked back to the Epoch. I pointed at the driver's seat and Lucca smiled as she understood. Marle was still crying, so I picked her up and jumped into the backseat in order to give her a little of the Crono Trigger.

This is how a princess deserves to be treated.

The next thing I knew I was looking at a large cave. We had returned to the Middle Ages. Marle was grinning from ear to ear. There were some crumpled notes left by Toma about jumping in holes and stuff.  Why are there crumpled notes left by Toma in Marle's vagina?

"We're here, you too," said Lucca.  Now get out of the backseat and let's go into this cave.

When we first entered the Giant's Claw we found more copies of the notes I just found inside Marle.  Boy, she gets around.  Maybe I should go wash up. 

The second area we came to in the cave was a throne room. I sat on the throne and laughed to myself. This was the old Reptite place!

"Is this the Tyrano Lair," asked Lucca. "This must have been pushed underground when Lavos fell to earth."

We kept walking through the somewhat familiar area and we came to a room with three switches in it. Hmmmmm, I forget what each of these switches does, but that's what Marle's here for. I pointed at one of the switches and Marle pushed it. Two big apes fell out of the sky, so we had to kill them.

I pointed at the second switch and Marle pushed it. The floor in front of us opened up and a cat fell out of the sky into the hole. Well, that was strange. I picked Marle up and threw her into the hole. She landed with a crash.

"Ouch," yelled Marle. "Crono, you silly butthead!"

I knew it was safe, so I jumped in and Lucca followed. I landed on top of Marle and even though I could tell she was in pain, she was still smiling at me. I was smiling, too, until Lucca landed on top of me.

We got to our feet and dusted ourselves off before continuing onward in the cave. Some parts looked like a normal cave and other parts were old pieces of the Tyrano Lair. We came to a door that we couldn't open from the outside, so I knew we would have to find our way around. We walked up some stairs and kept going.

A few rooms later, I recognized a familiar treasure chest, so I had Marle open it. She fell right into a hole again, while Lucca and I watched from up above. We backtracked to the locked door and there was Marle standing there waiting for us.

"You'd never get anywhere without me, Crono," said Marle.

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a swat on the behind. I'd never get anywhere without getting hurt, you mean.

Eventually, we came to a huge beastly monster that was growling loud enough to make your ears ring. It was that stupid Tyrano that we fought way back in the pre-historic times. He was all rusted looking and old. I guess we'll just have to kick his ass again.

I fought like a man possessed. My sword wreaked havoc on his stupid tyrano snout. Sometimes I had the benefit of some of Lucca's fire magic on my weapon, sometimes I had the benefit of Marle's ice magic and sometimes I chopped at him on my own, but I couldn't be stopped.

Until, he let loose his double fire breath, which knocked me flat on my ass. I looked up at Lucca and Marle, who were a little more resistant to magic attacks than I was. Marle fixed me up and I went back to slicing and dicing. It didn't take much longer for him to fall apart and THIS TIME he'll stay dead.

"We got him," yelled Marle as she jumped up into my arms and was just as quickly tossed onto the floor. I kept walking forward and Lucca followed me. Marle stood up and rubbed her ass before catching up with us.

"You're so funny, Crono," said Marle.

"The Rainbow Shell," said Lucca.

There it was.  Just like Toma told us. We tried to pick it up, but obviously, I needed manpower to do the job and not these weak little girls.

"It's heavy," said Marle. "We won't be able to carry it. Better get some help at the castle!"

I transported Lucca away and brought in Magus. I'm never one to miss an opportunity to be entertained.

"What the hell," yelled Magus as he appeared in front of me, obviously in a bit of a daze. I put him in the lead, so he could be the one to explain to the King and Queen who he used to be at war with, how he needed their help. This oughtta be good!

"Hello," said King Guardia. "You're always welcome here. What can I do for you?"

Uh, is he blind? Doesn't he realize that the leader of the Mystic army is standing right in front of him? You know. The guy who ordered his people to kill your people and almost conquered your country?

"Well," said Marle.

"I get it," said the King. "You want me to keep that huge shell safe here until the next century, right?"

How the hell did he figure that out just from the word well?

"I ask for the sake of Magus," said Queen Leene. "Please carry out their request."

WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only did they realize that Magus was standing in front of them, but they're pals all of the sudden?!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute. He must be sweet talking her through telepathy.

Magus looked over at me and said, "don't blame me. I'm as confused as you are."

"Done," said the King. "I shall obtain the shell and store it in the castle, as a national treasure. Knight Captain!" Aha! Now there was no way this guy would take Magus's presence lying down!

"Yes majesty," said the Knight Captain.

"Go and obtain the Rainbow Shell, and bring it back in one piece," said the King.

"At once sire," said the Knight Captain.

Uh, but first you're going to vanquish the leader of the evil hoard of the Mystics, right? Please tell me I'm not the only one losing his mind here!!!!!!!!

"Thank you your majesty," said Marle. "And Queen Leene too, of course!" Marle didn't seem bothered by it.

Magus walked up to one of the guards, he looked him right in the eyes and the guard just said, "what a stroke of luck for you guys. Defeated Magus, huh?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  He's standing right in front of you and he's going to eat your children. What the hell is wrong with you people?!!!!!!!

I ran out of the castle screaming, but no one seemed to care. Magus just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I guess they forgive people, REALLY quick in this country."

I sent him back to the end of time and brought Lucca back before we jumped into the Epoch and went to see Marle's father. I hope he still doesn't want to execute me.