Chapter Thirty: Robo-Milf

Lucca was still crying about how Magus had yelled at her, so I threw her over my shoulder and we returned to the end of time. Robo seemed deep in thought concerning the origin of machines.

"You mean to tell me I have a birthplace?" said Robo.

Hey, let's go find out, ok?  Hmph, poor old man was still off in a corner.  I hope he survives.  I'd hate for Ayla's chest to get depressed over killing an old man.

I tossed Lucca over to the side, still crying, and Robo joined the group.

"What did you two do to Lucca?" yelled Marle.

Magus asked her on a date and she said yes, but then she found out he was a guy and it broke her heart.

Instead of answering Marle's idiotic question, we chose to retreat to the Epoch.

".............and then, and then, and then, he said that, that, that, that, my weapons s-s-s-s-s-suck," said Lucca as we blasted into 2300 AD. We flew the Epoch over to a place called Geno Dome. We walked inside and Robo looked at the first panel we came to.

"Analysis complete," said Robo. "Please follow me."

"Lead on, Bobo," said Magus.

"Pardon me, Magus, sir, but my name is Robo," said Robo.

"Sure thing, Bobo," said Magus.

Robo grumbled and shook his head. "Humans," he said in disgust and he turned back to the panel.

"Who enters here unbidden," said a voice out of the wall. "Oh, welcome home R-66Y. Or should I say, Prometheus?! You dare to defile this place with humans? I haven't seen them in ages. Let me...welcome them. Come closer..."

Hey! A welcoming party! Alright! Let's do what the voice said and go inside, ok Robo?  Nothing about anything that was just said sounds foreboding.

In the next room we saw a moving pathway and the unknown voice said, "let's see just what you can do..."

The welcoming party turned out to be more of a kill the humans party. Two robots attacked us as soon as we got onto the pathway and just as quickly, Magus blasted them with his lightning spell.

Every time a new group of robots would attack, Magus would just shock them all into nothingness. Me and Robo sat down to play a game of checkers while Magus did the best he could to stay awake while fending off the hoards of ants trying to put us in our place as weak little humans.

"Not bad for humans," said the voice. "But can you find your way to me?"

We made our way through the place and the whole time that damned annoying voice kept talking to us about Lavos and humans dying off, while machines were taking over the world. Whatever. Magus could kill every robot in this entire place all by himself.

Robo had to electrocute himself and then run all over the place to get power to some of the doors by sticking his fat ass into the holes next to each door. It was worth it to come, just to watch Robo running all over the place.

We eventually came to a room with humans sitting on a conveyor belt.

"Hmmmm," said Magus. "A human processing plant?"

"Let us stop the machine," said Robo.

"Sure thing, Bobo," said Magus.

"Let us throw you onto the machine before we stop the machine," said Robo.

I laughed and Robo walked over to try and stop the machine.

"It's too well guarded," said Robo. "We have to destroy the central computer." We walked back and continued onward.

"Don't you understand," said the unknown voice. "This planet would be peaceful if there were no humans around."

I could say the same thing about machines and old people.

At one point Robo told us that we had to use one of the non-attacking robots to short out another robot that was guarding something we needed. We got the robot to follow us, but the fact of the matter is that we were dealing with a very special robot. He almost had to be carried around every corner. If you didn't take one step and then stop to make sure he took the exact same step, he would get confused.

After a long, slow process, we finally got the special robot to stand in front of the guard robot and we were able to get what we needed. It was a little doll. Hmmmmmm, I'll just let Robo lead on. I won't ask any questions.

"The dolls are needed to use as keys to get us to the central computer," said Robo.

We were almost to the place where we could use the dolls when we were confronted by a pink robot with a bow on top. Hey, she's kinda cute.

"Welcome home, Prometheus," said the pink robot.

"Atropos," asked Robo.

I sure hope it's his sister, cause she's a hottie.........for a robot.

"Yes, it's been awhile," said Atropos. "You can stop pretending now and join us."

Magus looked at Robo skeptically, but I was too busy staring at Atropos and that fine ass of hers to really care what anyone was saying.

"Mwa, ha," laughed Atropos. "Unlike the other R-series, Prometheus had a special task. To live with humans and study them as a species."

"I see," said Magus.

"Tell them, Prometheus," said Atropos "Now step back Prometheus. We'll get rid of these humans, then go see Mother..."

Robo stepped aside.

"Hmph, we're leaving," said Magus.

I finally came out of my love trance and looked at Magus in confusion.

"Prometheus is a robot spy, Crono," said Magus.

Who's Prometheus?

Magus sighed and said, "when the time comes just start attacking whoever I tell you to attack and we'll leave it at that, ok?"

Atropos moved towards us and Robo gave her a nice crack on the jaw. I jumped in between Robo and Atropos and pointed my sword at Robo.

"What are you doing, Prometheus," asked Atropos.

Was she talking to me? Am I Prometheus? My God! I'm a robot spy who was built to study humans and.......

"I won't allow you to hurt them," yelled Robo.

This explains so much about my life! Why I don't have a dad, why I can barely ever talk. Why I have so much trouble finding a girlfriend that I can love.............why I've been going on and on about how sexy Atropos is, when she's just a pink Robo with a bow on her head. Magus was staring at me and it made me a little uncomfortable. What's his problem?

"You are indeed defective," said Atropos. "They have tampered with you. I'll destroy them, then fix you."

I looked back at Atropos in sadness. I just hope she can fix me. Now kill these stupid humans and take me to Mother! Magus hit me over the head with the blunt side of his scythe and I fell on the ground.

"You've changed, Atropos," said Robo.

"Indeed," said Atropos. "Mother remade me to eliminate humans more efficiently! Step back, Mr. Anderson."

"My name is Robo," yelled Robo.

Atropos gave Robo a crack on the jaw like he had given her earlier and I sat off to the side with my whole life flashing before my eyes.

"Wait," said Robo. "Stand back and leave this to me."

"Sure thing, Bobo," said Magus and he plopped down next to me.

"Atropos," said Robo as he turned back to her.

"Prometheus," said Atropos.

"Crono," said Magus.

Shut the hell up, Magus. I've just learned the purpose to my existence and you want to make jokes.

"Crono," said Magus. "You're not a robot. Robo is a robot that used to be called Prometheus. You get some crazy ideas in your head."

I just looked at him for a second until Robo and Atropos started fighting each other.

Robo beat Atropos into a pile of metal on the ground and I jumped to my feet.

"P, Prometheus," said Atropos. "It's been...ages...!"

"Atropos," said Robo.

YES!! HER NAME IS ATROPOS!!! EVERY THREE SECONDS YOU TWO HAVE TO DOUBLE CHECK AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE STILL TALKING TO THE SAME ROBOT!!!!!! I guess that's the way it is when you all look exactly the same.

"I'm damaged," said Atropos. "What happened?"

Robo kicked your hottie pink robot ass. I started to sniffle. Please don't die, Atropos.

"Atropos," yelled Robo. Yep, that's her name alright.

"My memory bank," said Atropos. "Mother must have done something nasty when she reprogrammed me."

Ooooh, a Mother that likes doing nasty things. I bet she's as hot as Atropos. Once again, Magus was giving me that same look he always gives me.

"Partial memory...restored," said Atropos. "I'm sorry...Prometheus."

"Atropos," yelled Robo.

Is that her name? Because I wasn't sure.

"This...is for you," said Atropos. "You can...plug this...into your circuits... Please...take care...of it... Good...bye...Pro...metheus..."

I was expecting Robo to just say Atropos again, but he kept silent and we moved on. Robo looked pretty pissed. If I were Magus, I wouldn't call him Bobo again. At least not for a few days.

"Listen well, humans," said the same unknown voice that had been talking to us.

Then, the voice proceeded to explain how it was going to try to sustain Lavos' spawn in order to keep them from spreading to other planets and become the new species that owned the planet and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

We ignored the voice and continued onward. Robo put the dolls in place and a door opened to where we found the central computer. Then, this huge metallic hottie appeared in front of us.

"You did well to come this far," said the unknown voice, which obviously belonged to Robo-Milf. "I am the Mother Brain of the R-Y series factory. Come Prometheus, you must once again join us. I'll reset your circuitry and erase your memories. Then we'll dispose of these filthy humans."

All three of us were just laughing at her and she got pissed off.

"What is so funny, you wretched humans," asked Robo-Milf.

In the middle of her speech the covering on her chest fell off to reveal her metallic breasts.

"Eeek," yelled Robo-Milf. "How did that happen?"

"It must have been Lavos," said Magus.

She covered herself back up, but those were some nice stainless stell titties.

"I'm sorry," said Robo, "but I cannot afford to lose anything else. Not my precious memories, or my irreplaceable friends."

"You would betray ME, to stay with these humans," asked Robo-Milf in disbelief. "You would turn against the family of robots?"

"Humans have taught me much," said Robo. "Crono, Marle, Lucca, Frog and Ayla. I will not betray my friends."

Magus crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"However," said Robo, "I would gladly see you dispose of this ignorant fool with the blue hair."

Magus jumped back and pulled out his scythe. "YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, ROBOT PUKE," yelled Magus. "I'll beat your metal butt all over the planet, Bobo!"

"Kiss my platinum ass," said Robo.

"CHILDREN, CHILDREN, CHILDREN," yelled Robo-Milf. "Calm down! You're forgetting your purpose here! I'm the one you're supposed to hate. If you try to kill each other.........(sigh). You need to know which side you're on to begin with or you won't get anywhere in life."

Robo and Magus looked at each other and then they shook hands.

"I'm sorry I kept calling you, Bobo," said Magus.

"I'm sorry I asked my mom to kill you," said Robo. "

Awwwwww, now isn't that sweet," said Robo-Milf.

"Yes, I regret my actions," said Robo. "I am consumed with embarrassment."

"Ho," yelled Robo-Milf.

Did she just call Robo a ho?

"Fu, hu, hu. This is rich," said Robo-Milf. "Don't make me laugh! YOU, have emotions?!"

She's a robot, who's laughing.............and she's laughing at the idea of a robot having emotions. What?

"I'll show you just how human you've become," she screamed and it was time to fight.

She took about half a second to kill.

"P...Pro...me...theus," said Robo-Milf, "w...why?"

Robo picked up his mom's arms and kept them as souvenirs. Gross.

"All machines in the factory have been shut off for good," said Robo.

"Hmph, we're leaving," said Magus.

Didn't he say that like an hour ago?

"Let's go," said Robo.

Back at the end of time, we jumped off of the Epoch to find Lucca with her new gun aimed at Magus.

"I'll let you be the judge, Magus," said Lucca as she fired a shot at Magus's head. "Tell me how much my weapons suck, again?"